I think a lot, recently
Kadang kadang tutup lampu pukul 11 but pukul 1 baru dapat tido
I realize I need to speak my heart out
Tapi bila difikir balik,
Will they understand me?
What I actually went through, no one really knows.
I coudn't really tweet how I feel
Kalau la kan aku tweet cakap aku masih tak boleh move on
Its like commiting a suicide
I won't jeopardize my own life okay? Hahaha
Twitter is full of judgemental eyes and brains
Where they criticize people 24/7
Where they stalk and start to hate us internetically (if this word is accepted)
This is why I didn't tell people in public about my blog.
Its my personal page.
The more people know about it, the less that i can write.
I need to do a lot of confession.
and this is my confession *gaya usher ewah*
I really had a rough time moving on.
Maybe neither of you understand
I keep on telling people around me that I had moved on,
There is no more him,
I love studying,
It doesn't hurt that much anymore,
Its just a stupid past to remember,
But its not.
No.
Well maybe if he reads this he won't understand me either
He'll be like "why did you love me so much?" or "oh come on its just a 97 days relationship"
Maybe some (or maybe all) of you think that I am just being super emotional about my first love
Cause he had found his love, he is so happy with her right now.
And he might forgot how much secrets I spilled to him cause I trust him that much
he might has forgot already how does his eyes looked when he looked at me when I cried
he might never know, at all, that he has actually fixed me that time
but i won't.
I still remember the feeling when you tarik my tudung everytime jumpa
I still remember all the ink stain on my hand,
you even write "ilysdm" on my hand on the day I had my KHB paper
and when you finished your test you will show me the papers, there were my full name on each pages.
You know what?
Knowing you are now happy with her does not hurt me that much
Knowing that I was once your everything is.
I am really tired of struggling with my own feelings
Its like everything I do is a sort of desperation
I need a closure
A closure for this.
"First, you think the worst is the broken heart,
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world split down in middle
And fourth, you're gonna think you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little" -The Script
This is when I know I'm going through six degrees of separation.
Sometimes all we need is clarity
About who we are, what we need to change about ourselves
We need to spill our thoughts
Decipher the message yg bersimpul mcm earphone kat dalam otak
To keep ourselves at the right lane
To avoid the urge of doing something stupid
And the important thing is to prevent ourselves from succumbing to peer pressure
Peer pressure
Bunyi mcm benda kecik
But to be honest, I do realize that as a teenager,
The wall between peer pressure and I is thin, very thin.
I got insecure so easily.
Especially about my studies.
Orang dapat 100, aku nak jugak.
That is why my PMR year seems to be a bit stressful than other PMRers.
Sangat drama queen but I can't help it :p
So...since I own a blog
Do you mind if I do my clarity session?
Right here, right now?
Zil penuh electrons (zil yang negative)
Saya sangat annoying dan saya tahu.
Tendency untuk aku buat benda yang tersangat bodoh ialah sangat besar kalau
1. aku tgh berserabut
2. aku tgh happy gila babi
Contoh:
Ok this happened last year. Zaman jahiliyah, sebab aku tgh bermasalah dgn syafiq,
Ish geli pulak aku nak ingat. hahaha. aku frust la masa tu.
He was my first boyfriend, and I really loved him (past tense ya kawan kawan)
Ok let me share with you one thing
Syafiq was my friend
A listener, a companian
Somehow I think he is just a rebound to all my sadness
Lepas arwah meninggal, bertugas sorg diri, dan aku rasa aku sgt jauh dgn kawan kawan aku
And he was there
He listened. Aku tak malu pun kalau nak nangis dpn dia pun.
Because he was that good, good friend.
And masa mcm ni la tendency untuk fall in love ni sgt besar
Macam menstrual cycle, ada fertile phase kan?
Masa ni la "fertile phase" dia.
Masa kau sedih, and he listens.
Ewah. Hahahha
Okay I might be fifteen but falling in love tu lumrah la.
And I learnt my lesson.
I want to make these two years the best that I could do
SPM = hidup dan mati
jangan harap la aku nak cari masalah lagi lepas ni
Okay balik cerita tadi,
aku tgh frust pasal syafiq and aku mmg tak focus pasal semua benda
I went for a movie with yuki.
Abah buat hal lain
Dia suruh bayar parking. okay, fine.
Aku bayar, lepas tu kan we need to keep this card sampai kita nak keluar kan?
Guess what? lepas bayar aku pergi buang ticket ni.
Lepas buang baru aku mcm..."ok jap what was I doing?"
Dan cerita lepas tu aku taknak cerita sbb aku taknak ingat
I hate nightmares.
Positive, bright zil
I am persistent about what I am doing
By hook or my crook, aku mesti dapat jugak apa yg aku nak
Kadang kadang I am too enthusiastic that I get hurt easily
Siapa pernah nangis berjam sbb nak kucing baru?
Well I did.
Siapa pernah study agama sampai tak tido and just to make sure I got 100?
Well I did.
Siapa pernah tulis 9 essay the night sebelum exam just to make sure that I will write a good essay for my BI paper?
Well I did. 9 essay 9 hours. Pukul berapa ntah tido.
I know what I want, and I will go for it.
Blogging is my passion, walaupun tak ramai tau I own a blog
Satisfication every time kita publish our spilled thought mmg sgt best ok
Macam lepas buat maths.
I, too, student yg sangat baik. (lah sangat)
I tried my best not to signing up for instagram, line, we chat or such
sbb aku tau I might get attached, addicted
Addict the twitter pun susah nak control,
Macam mana la yg lain tu.
Studies is my first priority.
No compromise.
Walaupun lepas PMR, I'm doing my best to make every days productive (walaupun banyak tido)
Tak kisah la mcm mana pun.
Ewah anak siapa lah ni.
I might be fifteen
My vision of my future is still blurred
But I'm doing my best to make sure I'll survive, dunia dan akhirat.
All I need is support.
I need someone to correct me whenever I am wrong.
Like what I said,
aku ni zil tepi jalan je.
I need support.
I really need support.
Serious rasa kosong. Rinduuuuu rasanya nak busykan diri dengan buku buku sekolah.
Hehe. tapi dah seminggu cuti ni, tiga empat novel gak la dah habis
I really love books, walaupun muka aku tak rupa bookworm langsung
Well I will look like one if I use spectacles
Tapi jgn harap la aku nak keluar rumah pakai specs
ai pakai contact lens ok
luka di jari mmg la u tau
rabun di mata ai u apa tau
luka di hati lagiii la u tak tau
lol what am i writing?
And time time rasa kosong mcm ni la aku..
aku rindu alya.
Allahyarhamah Alyanur.
Macam mimpi, giving a title "Allahyarhamah" to someone who used to be your partner in crime
Tapi ni semua kuasa Dia kan? He knows best
He is the Best Planner after all
Aku ingat lagi time form one
Masa tu masih baru lagi kat kuching
Bahasa sarawak pun masih fasa saya-faham-tapi-saya-tak-reti-cakap lagi
Orientation week was extremely awkward
Nasib baik aku friendly (masuk bakul angkat sendiri lulz)
Tapi serious apa, dari aku kecik I change school for like every three years
Harus lah friendly.
Back to my story, arwah kira one of my first bestfriend kat sini
Yang satu kepala
Sebab mak kitorg sama sama cikgu
Mak dia cikgu kat sekolah rendah dia dulu
Mak aku cikgu kat sekolah menengah aku sekarang
anak cikgu kan? both dulu pengawas
and kitorang pun sama sama decide untuk join smk green road's prefect board
semua org mcm "ish tak payah la nanti kena dtg awal troublesome gila" (dalam bhs sarawak ofcoz)
kitorg je mcm "who cares jadi pengawas je pun bukannya jadi cleaner"
So....we joined
Nak jadi prefect kat sini dia kena go through interview and probation period
Time jadi probation prefects tu memang seksa sangat ek
seksa weh seksa
I mean like kitorg semua form one
dah lah pendek (ni apply kat aku je kot hahahhaa)
nak suruh seniors yg dah besar tu ikut ckp kitorang
mmg tak ah kan?
So, alya la yg mmg tempat aku share semua benda
Aku pernah kejar budak peralihan
Dia pun pernah
Aku pernah kena langgar dgn senior
Dia pun pernah
Memang fairy god mother tau.
We've been through so many things together.
To be honest dia je la org yg pernah I had Harry-Potterish-conversation with
Cerita pasal kenapa malfoy yg sebenarnya berhak ke atas wand dumbledore
macam macam
Org lain nak cakap pasal harry potter dgn aku?
tak kot.......
One day dia tak dtg
Seminggu
Lebih
Aku tgk atas meja cikgu ada nota
Aku dah serabut dah
I really missed her.
Pengawas kan keluar rehat awal?
You have no idea how lonely I was masa dia tgh tak ada tu
Rehat sorg sorg
Bertugas sorg sorg
Masa aku lawat dia kat hospital,
she promised untuk balik ke sekolah
at 2 November
How can I forget 2 November?
Dia dah janji.
Aaa okay I better stop cerita panjang panjang.
21 October 2011, Dia kembali ke rahmatullah.
It was apendix, bukan kidney infection yg doctor ckp sebelum ni
Tu je la time aku pernah nangis 12 jam tanpa henti
Yang memang betul betul buat aku mati
Sungguh aku cakap, perasaan hilang orang ni cuma org yg pernah "hilang" je boleh rasa
Sakit dia, we can't even put into words.
Hari ke-7 Alya meninggal, aku pergi jumpa mak dia
Sangat heartbreaking
I really can't, tengok mak dia menangis mcm tu
And all of us sambung kehidupan mcm biasa...
It was hard though
Well, it takes time.
And Alhamdulillah skrg aku okay.
Baru last month three weeks lepas jumpa mak arwah.
Dua hari before PMR, paper bm.
Bapak dia siap tunjuk aku kat uncle uncle alya
"Tok kawan alya, pande nya tok. Sama Alya" dia cakap (Ni kawan Alya, pandai, sama Alya)
masa tu aku terharu
Rasa mcm alya masih ada
Rasa mcm kitorg masih berlumba markah siapa lagi tinggi
Is it a crime to miss my bestfriend?
I just miss my bestfriend
Ok i need to write this.
Aku tak tau la recently ni kenapa aku pelik sangat
I mean aku happy giler kalau depan orang
Tak, bukan happy pura pura ek
My happiness is real, sbb kira I got my strength daripada those who love me la
Tapi bila aku sorang sorang kan
Emo mengalahkan izzah yg ditinggalkan encik haris
Boleh la buat hikayat tsunami rindu lepas ni. ihiks.
Ntah la. Aku banyak fikir pasal
Where will I stand next year
Aku ada kasi syarat kat ma and abah
Arina akan masuk either sbp kat semenanjung or stay kat green road je
SO. maksudnya I will never accept sbp dkt kuching la
Reasons?
- I believe that green road dah okay for me. I can't even managed to get top 10 walaupun my average 92%.
Kira staying in green road is not as bad as other people may think. They are super genius!
-Most of my friends yg dah masuk asrama kat sini bnyk complain and mcm nak masuk green road balik.
- Alang alang masuk asrama yg dekat dgn rumah, why can't I just stay at home, belajar mcm biasa. Lagipun masa belajar kat asrama singkat. Nanti belum habis belajar dah kena tutup lampu. Nak taknak kena tido gak. I am not ready for this. Kalau time PMR ni pun aku rasa belajar sehari 6 jam pun tak make me feel prepared apatah lagi espeeyem nanti. But for this reason I can tolerate though hihi.
-I just don't want
and abah apply kan jugak sbp dkt kuching
"abah applykan kat sini dulu nanti abah transfer kan la ke sana"
which is...i think is not going to happen
abah ngn mama mcm slowly tgh pujuk aku supaya just stay in kch, masuk sbp kat sini
and that really bothers me
and aku rasa takkan ada org yg akan faham aku
aku tau parents aku know whats the best for me
aku tau they are trying to understand me too
sampai aku rasa I am a better zil than arina
Zil can tolerate everything
She can even tolerate with a boy who said he loves her tapi prgi sayang org lain
Rileks je pun (padahal menangis tiga baldi kan ahahahaha)
Arina? she can't even tolerate dgn adik dia yg tak reti tutup pintu bilik bila keluar
Padahal zil dgn arina org yg sama
Topic ni seems endless tau tak
Truth is aku bukan taknak pindah sbb kawan ke apa
Years have taught me that
No matter rapat mana la kau dgn dia
Friends won't be forever yours
Future is more important indeed
Aku mmg nak pindah
Start a brand new life at a brand new school
Atleast dkt semenanjung aku tau aku boleh cope
Yeah, maybe it takes time
Walaupun ma ngn abah takde kat sana
Tapi kalau sbp yg DEKAT DENGAN RUMAH
aku mmg tak boleh nak terima.
Sebab I know I can do better dkt green road
See? aku pun tak faham diri aku sendiri.
kalau ikut logic bila sekolah dkt dgn ma dgn abah la senang nak cope
ni nak sekolah jauh jauh
apa najis mughallazah sgt cara kau fikir ni
teruk petala kelapan
Whatever it is lah kan, arina bukan nak buat ma dgn abah risau ke apa.
Serious takde niat.
Arina sayang gila dkt mama dgn abah
Especially masa pmr haritu
mmg segala mcm benda korang kasi kat arina
Sampai hantar makanan ke bilik
sbb korang tau I won't stop studying until my bed time
setiap kali bincang benda ni dgn mama mesti make me burst into tears
perasaan yg aku sendiri tak faham apa yg aku nak
nampak sangat aku penakut
which I looked less than my usual perky self
zil ni sebenarnya tak lah kuat mana.
Alhamdulillah everything went well. Walaupun aku tau kali ni I made A LOT of unnecessary mistakeS, bila aku fikir balik effort yg telah aku buat, aku tenang sikit. Aku nak check semua paper pun jadi tak jadi sebab frust check paper sejarah ngn bm. apa yg aku salah semua yg aku tukar jawapan. sejarah aku empat salah. SEMUA tu my second answer. Kira kalau aku tak tukar and fikir bnyk sgt aku boleh score 60/60. Takpelah. Ini org ckp bukan rezeki. Ah takpelah. masih A je pun. Doa dah, usaha dah. Sekarang tinggal tawakal je la.
Nak cakap confident dpt straight A tu, serious tak.
Entahlah. Aku trial semua mmg la straight A tapi the confidence is never there
Orang lain semua dok excited for maths paper,
I agree la paper maths mmg senang, tapi hari nak exam maths tu aku mesti rasa nervous nak mati
"what if i forgot how to describe rotation"
"what if my graph senget"
"apa acceleration"
"what if calculator habis battery"
see?
The worst part in me is I have always been a slave to my own fears.
Unnecessary fears.
Lagipun haritu keluar article for paper two bi. Alhamdulillah I managed to write two full pages but pemeriksa tu akan suka ke dgn article aku yg sgt tak berapa tu?
Ish tak habis habis. Dah lah arina. ENOUGH.
YANG PENTING AKU BOLEH TIDO AND TENGOK TV SUKAHATI AKU SEKARANG HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
now dah takde la dgn buku je.
I can blog
I can watch tv
I can twitter
I can masak
I can mandikan kucing (omg lamanya tak mandikan gabby)
paling paling pun maybe mama hantar aku tuition, preparation untuk masuk form 4
and ofcourse, instead of waking up beside kamus dewan, buku teks sejarah etc, now i can wake up to my fav novel
Setahun tahun ni mcm ni la hidup aku. A slave to PMR books
BEST GILA WEH BEST GILA!!!!!
aku penat la. katil aku yang queen size tu rasa mcm semut size bila penuh dgn buku sebelah kanan aku
penat weh penat. hahaha
oh btw ingat tak hikayat acad azhari yg aku cerita kat diorg dulu tu? boleh tengok kat sini
ok aku mengaku sampai skrg we never talked
senyum senyum je hahaha
but guess what
First day, habis paper agama, aku pergi bilik guru cari mama. Walaupun mama sesi pagi, mama sanggup tunggu sampai pukul 4, sampai aku habis. hihi sayang mama.
"macam mana paper agama"
"Alhamdulillah senang"
"err arina."
"ah?"
"budak kelas mama, yg kau ckp kau mimpi haritu tu..."
"aaa kenapa?"
"dia suruh mama cakap goodluck kat arina"
hahahahahhaha masa tu dalam hati aku mcm ada background song:
KEUNGGULAN CINTAAA DARI SINAR MATA YANG BERGELORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
ok masa untuk kenduri party (eh) selama tujuh hari tujuh malam. bye
Sunday, August 25, 2013
So yesterday was Nasya's birthday
I was studying sejarah the whole day
screw sejarah
hahahahahhahaha aku stress sebenarnya
belajar sejarah tak habis habis
tgk jam je terus lompat "omg im late"
mandi semua 4:30 ptg baru sampai rumah nasya
har har tak perempuan la kalau tak camwhore
takpe, we alls kan comel :P
dahlah sambung sejarah bye :(
p/s: nampak bebeno rushingnya. doakan aku untuk pmr okay? sumpah syg korang. bye
Aku rasa belum lambat lagi aku nak ckp selamat hari raya kat korang.
lekla
hari raya kan sebulan?
Selamat hari raya. Ampunkan salah silap aku.
Aku tau aku bnyk gila sakitkan hati org
Tapi demi Allah, aku takde niat pun nak sakitkan hati sesiapa.
Aku cuma zil tepi jalan (cewah) yg bnyk cacat celanya
Aku dah maafkan semua org
Aku pun harapla semua org tu maafkan aku.
Raya aku kali ni, entahlah
nak ckp tak best
takde la tak best pun
Tapi entah kenapa aku tawar hati
mcm...something is missing
or aku bnyk sgt fikir pasal exam ke? entah la.
Tapi aku rasa tawar setawar tawarnya
Padahal haritu masa trial bukan main teromaigod omaigod nak raya
Sehari lepas habis trial tu...lepas sahur aku terus buat monthly planning
A calender, a diary, and some colour pens
Aku dok buat annalysis
Aku nak tau aku perform ke tak
Sebab aku ada catat semua markah aku dlm diary aku since awal tahun lagi
and yes, bila aku kira kira semua,
exam first sem aku haritu mmg bnyk meningkat
walaupun increase 5 percent je average aku, aku mcm bangga gak ah
Tengah tunggu result trial je ni ha
Setakat ni aku tau bm maths geo sejarah je.
BM, decrease. From 90 to 88
Maths, increase from 87 to 94
Geo, increase from 88 to 95
Sejarah, decrease nak mampus. from 98 to 92. from 92 to 80.
Sejarah aku la spoil gila
80 tu la markah paling teruk aku pernah dpt selama tiga tahun aku ambik subjek sejarah
Maybe sbb aku mcm tak pay attention tu sejarah sgt haritu
Entah. Over confident ke? tak jugak
Aku nangis kot lepas habis paper sejarah
Cukup bahaya. Aku takuttt je tak dpt A
Deep down inside aku mmg bersyukur jugak
Allah has a better plan for me. Dia nak aku tau usaha aku belum cukup. Biar aku study sungguh2.
I promise I'll do better
And back to my monthly planning tadi,
Aku kira kira tinggal 37 hari lagi nak trial ke 2.
37 hari tu 10 hari lepas la
so kira hari ni, 27 hari lagi aku exam lagi
Aku pun buat la jadual tak kira hari hari aku kena pegang buku jugak
Masa dah suntuk sgt
Aku taknak setakat straight A.
Aku nak semua 90 plus. Bukan sebab aku nak berlagak pandai
Do you ever wanted something so much it hurts?
Aku nak puaskan hati aku. Hati mama. hati abah
sbb bila aku dpt markah 90 plus tu, seolah olah my hardwork paid off tau tak
Mungkin org lain tak fhm kenapa aku tak puas hati sgt bila aku dpt 80 lebih
Aku dah buat apa yg aku boleh buat. 24 hours yg Allah bagi kat aku sehari aku aku pakai seelok eloknya
Aku nak hasil dia menjadi.
Dahlah. yang aku tension tension ni pasal apa
Tapi sebenarnya bukan benda ni je buat aku tension.
banyak la
benda yg aku tak boleh cite kat sini
This is so painful oh
:(
Ha'ah do. aku tak okay
Serious aku tak okay.
Aku rasa mcm nak nangis selalu
Tak dpt bukak pintu sbb tangan baru pakai lotion pun nak nangis,
pencil case terjatuh pun rasa nak nangis
Phone aku low batt pun rasa nak nangis
Aku nak tenangkan diri mcm mana lagi pun aku tak tau
Takpe, whatever it is, Allah is The Best Planner after all
Apa nak jadi, jadi la
Aku follow je.
Sakit tu sakit la
Aku bukan tak boleh handle
Tak mati pun sakit hati
sakit je
sikit je pun
kan?
Lagi satu desicion yg aku buat, kalau aku dpt, aku mmg akan masuk asrama
Aku nak belajar hidup sendiri.
Bukan aku tak syg kat kwn2 aku kat sarawak
sayang gila. diorg la the best thing that ever happened to me.
Aku cuma....nak lari.
Nak focus ngn study aku.
Kat asrama, senang sikit nak focus ngn study.
Aku kan suka study. cita cita aku mmg penstudy. (dah tak lawak ah tsk tsk tsk)
Tapi serious ah. Kau bagi aku buku, aku study 10 hours straight pun aku tak kisah
Study je la yg boleh aku lupa semua hal yg sakitkan hati aku
Study kira mcm painkiller aku la
Ewah. painkiller je la tapi.
Masa berjumpa, bersujud, bercakap dgn Allah tu la masa paling sweeeeet bagi aku
Betul la org ckp. Bila bercakap dgn pencipta kita, seolah2 mcm aku dah hilang dah semua masalah aku
Sebab aku mcm ingat balik, I don't aim here. I aim hereafter.
Raya aku tahun ni, tiga hari kat Sabak Bernam, satu hari kat Klang, satu hari kat Temerloh, satu hari kat genting highlands. Haha kitorg beraya kat Temerloh. tak plan pun pergi genting
Tapi alang alang lalu, why not kan?
A day dkt genting was quite fun
Dengan space shotnya ya allah lailahailallah subhanallah walhadulillah walailahailallah
Gila do
Oh kalau korang tak tau la space shot tu mcm mana jap aku google
best gila la aku ckp. Mmg awesome. masa naik tu rasa mcm okay lagi. tapi....gayat dia bukan main la. tersangat gayat. dahlah tinggi gila. tinggi gila pulak tu (fhm fhm je la ek) Masa kat atas tu aku mmg takut gila dah berzikir semua hahaha part dia jatuh tu ya Allah ya tuhanku......aku dah pasrah. serious ek. masa kau turun tu kau takkan rasa kau tgh duduk kat atas sesuatu. kau rasa mcm badan kau tgh jatuh dari atas ke bawah. dari satu tempat yg saaaaaaaaaaangat tinggi. aku pasrah gila hahahhaaha
tapi mmg best. kepada org yg mmg takut tinggi, takyah la. ni extreme sangat. kang pengsan atas tu susah pulak. muahaha.
Oklah. post raya dah tak mcm post raya langsung. Biasalah. org takde mood nak raya. ewah.
"Aku ada kawan kat pandan indah yang berseri seri,
Pindah ke Sarawak, ingatkan ke Miri,
Aku nak ucapkan selamat hari raya aidilfitri,
Kepada kwnku zilly silly lilly milly tilli.
Dia ni comel sgt sampai ada admirer nama (tut tak boleh ckp kat sini)
hehe tinggi tu tapi dulu kecik mcm ikan patin
Aku nak mintak maaf zahir dan batin,
oi kwn, satu hari nanti kita boleh jumpa mungkin?"
Tu lah wish raya paling comel pernah aku dapat.
Thank you syabil uhuk uhuk walaupun pantun kau pelik, aku terharu.
Sekian sahaja post yg tak berapa nak raya sgt dari saya kali ini
nope. habis trial je sebenarnya.
tapi aku sgt lega sbb aku dah terlepas dari tense feeling yg membuat aku breakdown setiap hari
kdg2 kesian jugak aku steph kena pujuk aku hari hari
I mean, aku fhm perasaan steph
aku faham perasaan org yg takde art of pujuk org ni (hahahaha sorry steph)
sbb aku pun tak reti pujuk org
tengok org nangis sebelah aku... nak buat ape ek? aku nak kena buat lawak ke mcm mana?
tu la. martial art, aku tau la sikit2. art of menembak, aku power. art of shopping, aku mmg legend.
tapi kalau art of pujuk org ni........................
takde
siapa la yg malang jadi laki aku nanti kan?
ahahahaha
tau tak....
aku suka mimpi pelik pelik.
especially time exam.
ingat lagi first sem haritu. second paper kot. esoknya sejarah. malam tu mmg hadap buku je la.
tapi aku rasa aku tido awal kot haritu. kol 10 dah tido. kalau tak pukul 3 pgi pun aku mmg xtido tido.
tapi pukul 12 aku dpt call dari syazwin. cousin nasya. (btw sebelum korang kecelaruan maklumat, ni bukan mimpi) awin ckp "zil, nasya kat hospital" and i was like what??????
look, aku ni sensitive sikit kalau kawan aku sakit
Allahyarhamah Alyanur. I lost my bestfriend when I was 13. I waited for so long sbb she promised to come back. But she didn't. Allah lagi sygkan dia.
Ni nasya pulak masuk hospital. for the same reason pulak tu
Mana tak risau kan? malam tu aku mcm tido tak tido je la
bukan study pun. tak dpt tido.
pagi tu, around pukul 6, aku xbangun bangun.
Yuki kejutkan.
and guess what?
aku tetibe jerit. "WOWWW!!!!"
yuki ckp.. kuat.
yuki gelak gila gila
aku blurrr. dlm kereta baru aku ingat apa yg aku mimpi:
I was at the science lab. Dgn cikgu sim lee na. Kitorg tgh buat experiment
Mixing chemical, and something happened
Its like a spark kot, mcm firework keluar dari test tube tu
Tu yg "WOW" kot?
K.
And this time round, lain pulak ceritanya.
Mcm ni,
First time aku jumpa mamat ni bulan lima kot.
Sama sekolah, and yet aku tak pernah jumpa dia kat sekolah.
Sebab dia sesi pagi, aku sesi petang.
tapi selalu je aku turun pagi, tapi tak pernah nampak muka dia.
One fine day, friday, pukul 12 mcm tu, abah akan ambik aku kat rumah, nak hantar aku pergi sekolah.
Before that, kitorg ambik yuki dulu.
Aku tgh stress masa tu. Bnyk kerja la belum siap. Rushing masuk gate sekolah yuki, carik yuki.
Tetiba aku terlanggar budak ni
Darjah satu kot. Pendek gila manalah aku nampak. (tak sedar diri ckp org pendek)
ok fine. aku kena jalan tengok bawah ni la ek? Okay
tetibe terlanggar lagi org.
pap.
nasib muka tak tersentuh. sbb dia tinggi kot. haha.
Aku dah dgn muka terkejut aku. mata besar, menjerit, mulut terbuka
Mmg la terkejut. Ape mamat berlogo SMK Green Road buat kat sekolah adik aku ni
Dia rilex je. Tak ckp pape. Dia senyum. Senyum yg mmg senyum. Senyum yg menyejukkan hati (ewah)
in short, dia hensem bila dia senyum.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA LAMA AKU TAK PUJI LAKI
nvm
dia mmg cute.
Then he walked away like nothing happened. Ambik adik dia. And masa tu adik dia tgh lepak dgn adik aku
Oh. abg kawan adik aku yg pengawas ni ke? Okay.
But it doesn't end yet, anyway
Since that day, every friday aku jumpa dia
tak ckp, tak lepak sama pun
just senyum, jalan
senyum je kut.
hahahaha.
but he left me no name
He is unnamed
For months, and aku belum tau nama dia.
Tu yg setiap jumaat aku semangat nak ambik adik aku.
Nak jumpa mamat jumaat! Hahahaha.
One friday, (friday sebelum trial, kira last last week la)
Aku dlm kereta, dah ambik yuki. ingat xdpt jumpa haritu.
Tetibe yuki byebye seseorg. Oh budak tu.
And.....mamat tu kat sebelah kwn adik aku.
He smiled. He smiled!!
And aku mmg angau seminggu minggu tu.
Dia la pengubat stress aku. Haha
Aku sampai termimpi.
Malam sebelum exam BI dgn geo kot.........
Eh tak tak. Bukan malam. petang. aku tido petang sbb aku tau malam tu aku xkan tido sbb study.
Aku mimpi.. aku dlm kelas. Babra masuk kasi aku popcorn.
Entah. scene seterusnya dkt Sarikei. dkt jeti. tempat aku lepak masa aku kursus kat sana dulu. (fyi, sarikei-kuching ni mcm johor-kl) aku dgn babra jalan2. tiba aku jumpa mamat jumaat dkt jeti tgh buat homework.
masih berbaju sekolah.
aku pergi kat dia. tengok nama.
"ACAD AZHARI????"
nama dia acad azhari????
aku pun jerit la "Acad Azhari, awak tau tak saya dah cari awak berapa lama??????!!?"
and I remember nothing lepas scene aku jerit tu.
Masa bukak puasa tu aku cerita la dgn yuki.
Dengan harapan dia akan tanya kawan dia sapa nama mamat jumaat aku
Betul ke kan acad azhari?
Sukahati je mimpi aku ni. hahaha,
Masa aku cerita ngn yuki tu pun mama dengar.
Mama ckp "Oh, mama ajar budak tu. Nama dia syahmi. Form four. Dia ada dua adik dkt sekolah yuki, syafiqah dgn syanis. Mama tau dia sbb mama rapat dgn mak dia. Selalu jugak nampak mak dia kat sekolah yuki"
dalam hati aku : Mama knows her bakal menantu better than me? :O
HAHAHAHAHHAA
and esoknya yuki confirm dgn aku yg nama mamat tu mmg syahmi
again, mama menyampuk
"Arina kenal syahmi ke?"
"tak lah. tak kenal pun. selalu terserempak dgn dia je"
"yang sampai terbayang bayang tu kenapa?"
aku diam.
p/s: Acad Azhari..Syahmi. Teruk betul mimpi aku ni. Takde art of guessing langsung. Meleset ke laut!
Ahlan wasahlan ya ramadhan.
Assalamualaikum korang yg comel.(syaitan takde mmg la ringan mulut nak memuji hehehe)
Its third of Ramadhan and I am sure kita semua cukup saaaaaaayaaaaang dgn apa yg kita rasa skrg ni
The warmth of ramadhan
yg buat aku kdg kdg menangis sbb happy
haha
semalam pagi2 pergi sekolah entah kenapa aku sebak tgk mama
entah. mama cantik semacam haritu.
aku pun ckp la "asal mama lawa sgt hari ni ma?"
mama gelak lepastu terus masuk bilik guru (mak aku kerja dkt sama sekolah ngn aku, remember?)
Cuma tu la. Studies, exams, buku buku ni semua kacau line la.
Second of ramadhan aku tak tido sbb aku kena habiskan sejarah aku. trial is getting near and according to my timetable aku dh x bnyk masa nak belajaq benda lain. lepas isyak belajar sampai pukul 4 something lepastu mama terus kejut sahur. mama mcm "asal tak tido" "study" "ok"
sahur makan kari kambing nyummm haha
Lepas sahur kemas buku lepastu mandi lepastu terus pergi sekolah
mmg la aku sekolah petang. tapi every thursday aku akan dtg pagi sbb ada tuition class ngn cikgu rahsiah, the only tuition yg aku attend, tuition bm.
lepastu bnyk kerja buat kelam kabut
dalam kelas tense gila.
especially when it comes to english class. on thursday.
thursday is an essay day
and thursday ended up being a disaster for all of 3A students
teruk aku semalam
dah tu time balik sekolah aku jatuh longkang pulak
takpe lah. aku mmg suka jatuh longkang. cita cita aku kan penjatuh longkang.
takpe
balik, prepare for iftar apa semua
maghrib, baca surah al anbiya and the terjemahan, (surah ni interesting gila)
lepas isyak mkn ubat terus tidur.(i slept at 8:30)
I just hope that walaupun aku busy aku takkan pernah lupa prepare untuk akhirat
Every single day is a brand new chance for me to make a change
to improve.
to tak marah-marah org.
to tak berdendam dgn org lepastu marah2 kat blog
to sentiasa solat awal waktu.
to menuntut ilmu dgn seikhlas ikhlasnya
to become a good friend and a good listener to my friends
to become anak solehah to both my parents
to get all straight 90+ As
to always smile to everyone around me
to never jatuh longkang dpn org too.
Ok this post is going to turn into a crappy, shitty and full of curses one sbb yes, aku tgh mengamuk
I mean like hey siapa start dulu?
Atleast la time aku sakit hati dgn kau dulu the worst thing I did is lepas geram dgn kwn kwn aku
Aku tak pondan mcm kau la sial
Aku tak tweet pun yg kau gelakkan markah agama aku
Aku takde pulak jeling, ignore kau ke apa ke
Sbb somehow I think you are 50% of why I reall work hard for my last sem exam
Yeap, 11A
I was satisfied.
Until tonight, aku kenal siapa kau
Look, maybe its too much, wat I did.
Ha' ah, aku mmg jerit nama kau and said something tht might tear you up.
Dkt parking lot
Syerah and amira ada dgn aku, aku ingat
I mentionedsomething about markah agama
But may I remind you something, abng?
I will never do that if u have no problem with me in the first place.
Kan?
Haha I don't give a damn la bang
Mampus kau la nak dengar pun
Kisah pulak aku
Tapi aku rasa kau dh lebih la bro
Aku yg perempuan ni pun tak sedrama queen kau la weh
Kalau tak puas hati ckp dpdpn
Tak pyh nak indirect tweet me mcm bitch
"Kau rasa bagus, kau x sedar yg kau bukan asal SARAWAK"
Oh really? Firstly, aku mmg bagus. Secondly, oh, kira aku ni tak layak duduk sarawak lah?
Excuse me, kau ingat aku hadap sgt nak duduk sini apa hahahahahahha you are wrong
And encik A, You have no right, at all, to judge me islamically. Kalau setakat salah aku yg aku jerit tu kau nak ckp aku x layak jadi muslimah, baik kau simpan baik baik statement kau tu.
Semalam semalam aku emo. Lepas publish last post, I decided to check the kitchen, buat apa yg patut. Sebab kalau aku masak aku happy. Aku rasa kalau kitorg tak balik Bangi ni dapur ni mmg tak pernah berasap. Kaklong, abg khalid, kakshikin semua busy. Kalau tengok fridge masyaAllah subhanallah ya allah nauzubillah. mcm reban ayam level tiga ribu. Ada chocolate, ada cake lapis enam bulan lepas, bnyk la benda yg diorg tak makan.
Semalam I made some baked potatoes.
Habiskan cheese.
Tak refer to any recipe pun sbb benda ni simple
walaupun first time,
it was super duper marvelous!
Baked Potatoes with Tuna Bolognese - kentang, of course
-olive oil
-parmesan (kaklong pakai untuk buat bubur danish, sbb tu ada. kalau tak, terima kasih je la nak ada benda ni kat rumah)
-cheese slices, (I use President sbb cheese tu ada rasa rasa bbq)
-tomato sauce
-tuna
-garlic
-basil
-garam
1. Rebus kentang dengan garam, jgn empuk sgt sbb nanti kita nak masukkan dlm oven
2. Buat topping! Tumbuk garlic, potong cili padi. Lepastu tumis garlic, cili, and basil in olive oil campur butter sikit. lepastu masukkan tomato sauce, campur air sikit. biar dia menggelegak. Lepastu baru masukkan parmesan cheese yg dah dipotong, sikit demi sikit. dah nampak mcm kuah spaghetti yg korang nampak kat kedai tu, tutup api. masukkan tuna, gaulkan.
3. ok topping dah siap kan? kita balik kepada kentang tadi. make a hole, dap some olive oil, letak topping atas dia. letak cheese slice. letak basil atas kentang tu. (why basil? basil keluarkan bau yg wangi gila and a good taste too.) wrap dgn alumium foil.
4. bakar dlm oven dgn suhu 180 degree selama 30 minutes. SIAP!
sorry takde gambar. Tak terfikir pun nak upload kat mana- mana. cilok kat google pun jadi la ek?
dia kira mcm ni la. tapi topping aku buat lain
lepastu kitorg buat pudding roti and pudding telur. omg jangan terkejut la tengok aku berisi gila lps ni.
tapi skrg aku tengah demam.
and I am enjoying my salmon porridge!
haha bye!
Its June 4 already? last aku tgk calendar masih may kot
apa masalahnya ni? calender aku yg corrupted ke hari aku yg tak productive?
!!!!لول ارينا لول
Memang la hari kau yang tak productive!
Kalau bangun terus bukak laptop hadap remy ishak tu productive sgt ke?
لول
لول
لول
لول
لول
لول
(best pulak lol dlm jawi ni)
Oh yea. since school pressed me too much (very) aku dgn sukacitanya, dan dengan tak rasa bersalahnya, dengan bahagianya, dengan tak risaunya, aku tak belajar cuti ni. Mampus. Pergi mampus semua buku. Aku nak cuti. Khamis last day exam tu aku tak tido langsung, to be exact, aku tak stop belajar pun. Daripada balik sekolah (rabu), aku hadap buku agama PMR (which ustazah don't really tell us which bab keluar) sampai pukul 6 pagi, mandi kejap lepastu terus pergi sekolah. dlm kereta, tidur kejap. Aku sekolah petng but thursday abah xdpt hantar tgh hari. terpaksa la turun pagi dgn mama. Kan mama cikgu. hahaha.
sampai sekolah, revise semua tokoh islam. belajar sampai pecah kepala dari 6:30 sampai pukul 12 mcm tu lepastu terus exam. Paper dua jam. Alhamdulillah, dpt jawab. I try not to give a damn about the mark since I have tried my best (walaupun last minute, eh no, tak last minute pun sbnarnya.) habis paper, I realized jari kelingking sebelah tangan tu mcm nipis, nampak blood vessel semua. oh yeah. cara aku pgg pencil mmg jari tu kena dgn pencil. Jom kira berapa jam aku pegang pencil. 7 pm to 2:30 pm wahhhhhhhhhhhhh. gila apa. Mana tak berdarah jari kau zil. Lepastu paper geo pun terus buat paper without studying. Aku memang tawakal je since bukanla aku tak tau pape pasal geo. Asalkan kau constant study, ok la. Nasib baik tak susah paper haritu. Tapi kalau nak aim markah tinggi2 pun tak boleh gak. Haha. Whatever, its over anyway.
And here I am, home sweet home. Jumaat pukul 9 dah smpai KL. Sabtu balik kampung. For a week.
I did have a good time since aku boleh tido selama mana aku boleh. Especially time time ABC (Allah bagi cuti) ni kan, sukati aku je nak bangun pukul berapa. ish ish ish. but one thing i can't change about myself, pukul berapa pun aku tido aku akan bangun pukul 9. I slept at 12 bgn pukul 9. I slept at 6 bngn pukul 9. hahaha. mesti korg pelik kan ape je aku buat aku tak tido? I read. Chronicles of Narnia, buku buku Siti Rosmizah, Cecelia Ahern's kau ingat dapat apa baca time sekolah? Haram
Kira productive la cuti aku ek? errr 40%? atleast?
And another extraordinary routine cuti aku is, making icecream 20 sen for the kids! omg so malaysian! hahaha. Kampung aku ni bnyk bebudak. So why not kan? Atuk pun being so supportive sampai barang2 semua dia beli. I made milo (OF COURSE), bandung, asamboi, strawberry, and teh ais. Of course they are special sbb kedai lain manade buat pekat mcm I buat :p
Best part about balik sabak bernam is along the way kau akan jumpa this satu kedai cendol yang PERGH BEST GILA WEH. Cendol Durian Borhan. Of course, cendol durian is the highlight but since I don't eat durian, aku order cendol pulut jagung. ada cendol keladi, entah bnyk gila la. laksa dia pun sedap nak mampus. Aku rasa nak mampus duduk sarawak kempunan bende ni. Heh. Mampus!
Oh, and I really have trouble with my menstrual cycle. Second week baru flow heavy gila nak mampus.
Kenal bende ni?
lol girls, who doesnt
Its been a very tough week, imagine la kau pakai pad 35 cm pun every hour kena tukar. Rimas, lemah, penat, pening, dengan adik yang suka cari gaduhnya, dengan crampnya, tersiksa jiwa wuaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
They said such severe bleeding isn't normal. Aku pun pergi la Hospital Umra, in Shah Alam. check sikit.
I got so excited buat ultrasound scan. Hekeleh. Mengalahkan org pregnant. But who cares aku dpt tgk uterine wall aku and korang tak dpt hahahahahaha. But the gel yg doctor letak on my skin is so cold I feel like putting it all over my body. Hahaha. Shah alam panas gila kot. And Alhamdulillah, doctor ckp aku okay. Dia ckp aku stress, sbb tekanan darah aku pun mcm tak normal je for a 15 years old mcm aku. She gave some pills, and suruh aku buat detail scan once I stop bleeding. Sbb kan uterine wall aku tgh tebal dgn darah. Dia suruh dtg buat scan betul2, just to make sure that I am really okay.
Okay la kot. I don't feel anything. No pain. Entah sempat ke tidak aku nak check lagi kat situ. entah bila aku stop bleeding. Sabtu ni dh balik Kuching dah.
Kalau nak cari tudung lawa lawa kat kuching entahla......hahahaha susah.
One thing, since time sekolah aku mmg tak tgk tv pun, (yes, I am a nerd, study maniac, yg mmg duduk dlm bilik belajar sambil minum coffee) aku baru tau the existence of such good drama mcm Cinta Jangan Pergi!!!!! OMG cerita tu best gila. Lea Suraya, Khalil, Hud. We can really feel their love, We can really feel their pain. And aku suka gila watak nadiya nissa dgn this new actor Bill, their relationship mcm cool gila!
pain.
couple paling sengal haha
Akhir kata, majulah industri drama melayu negara! Bye bye!
Entah.
Nak cakap aku tak blajaq, aku rasa dalam satu hari tu 5 jam tidoq 19 jam yang lain aku blajaq.
Nak cakap aku bodoh, every year aku class A.
Nak cakap aku malas, macam aku cakap, dalam kereta dalam toilet apa semua pun aku buat maths
Tapi aku masih rasa aku tak cukup bagus.
Faham tak rasa mcm "ok kalau aku tak dpt straight A aku tak diterima dlm family ni"
Pernah tak?
Aku nak dpt keputusan yang parents aku nak
Tapi kemampuan aku ada limit.
Note to self;
Ukur baju di badan sendiri.
Unless kalau pak hang banyak duit
Atau mak hang ada butik
Atau hang tarzan tak pakai baju
Atau hang memang tak tau SI unit for distance (boleh check science form one chapter one ya)
Ok stop.
I am so not normal
Having all these depression
I don't know who am I anymore
Tapi dgn kawan I can be so happy
When I'm alone
I don't know what to feel anymore
I wonder why I'm still surprise
Still stuck dengan last year
The scar, still there
Dahlah school give me a lot of worries
ape ni
aku rasa macam tengah tulis sajak
why.
Mid year examination
Mid year examinatio
Mid year examinat
Mid year examina
Mid year examin
Mid year exam
Mid year ex
Mid year e
Mid year
Mid yea
Mid ye
Mid y
Mi
M
Ma
Mat
Mati
Yesterday was the worst day ever (tak worst sgt la). Citer dia mcm ni.......
Semalam injection day. Tetanus. Which is tak la sedasyat apa yang orang dok tulis kat internet. Hampeh tahap tiga ribu. but betul la. memang sakit pun.
and yes, I was so moody yesterday, mengenangkan exam BM kertas 2 sabtu ni, I am not ready :(
exam yang lain2 tu start 13th nanti. AAAA IM PREPARING, kot?
Nak dijadikan cerita, aiman bawak bekal from her house (her family punya cooking memang serious sedap aku cakap) dengan perasaan yang penuh ghairah (ceh) aku pun makan la sampai menjilat jari.
Lepastu masa balik rumah, tak mcm selalu, (selalu aku mkn dulu) aku pergi sembahyang apa semua, sampailah dah isyak (isyak kat kuching pukul 8 ye kawan-kawan) baru aku turun makan. tu pun seciput gile.
Lepas tiga minit, aku muntah. Ok perut aku tak dpt terima apapa makanan. Ingatkan demam sebab injection tetanus tadi, so aku makan la panadol. Gila kau zil dah nak exam baru nak demam. Kau tu demam dahlah teruk tahap dewa. ish ish ish. then I try to tido, but boleh dikatakan every five minutes aku pergi tandas sebab nak muntah. Ok la orang yang pernah kena mcm ni je faham. Ni la first time zil keracunan makanan. I never know it will be this painful. Faham tak mcm mana rasa dalam masa two hours tu muntah je every five minutes, faham tak? Rasa mcm kau dah tak ada apapa dalam perut, rasa mcm takde perut. faham tak :(
And sebab sakit sangat aku try tido, dah pukul 10 dah pun. Dahlah aku tak belajaq apapa malam tadi. Haih. Aku tak dpt tido langsung. So yuki dengan baik hatinya tolong urutkan my perut and my back :')
awww adiik mithali sgt. Dia urut urut sampai aku tertido.
Tapi abah tetiba masuk bilik kejutkan lepas tu dia tanya ok ke tidak
WHY ABAH WHY :(
so its 11 aku tahan sakit je. Aku tak tau mcm mana nak ckp perut aku sakit gila.......
Sebab tak tahan, aku call mama. Tak larat jerit, padahal kat bilik sebelah je.
"Ma......sakit"
"Jap. mama datang"
lepastu dia masuk bilik and terus urut my perut. Oh yea. Aku tak pernah mention pasal emvco kan? My dad's product, (Dr Razip, yang dah buat research pasal virgin coconut oil sejak aku kecik lagi, finally made a product: Emulsion of Virgin Coconut Oil) nah check http://myemvco.blogspot.com/
Mama bawak emvco and sudu, dia suap banyak banyak.
lepastu aku terus muntah, and berak and muntah and berak and muntah and berak.
Yes, toxic ngn racun racun semua keluar
Tapi lepastu aku memang suffer la. Mengeluarkan segala isi yang ada kat perut, what do you expect?
Suffer..................
Lepastu Mama suruh tido dgn mama that night (awhhhhh) Dia urut urut sampai aku tido. I love Mama so much I don't know apa lagi nak cakap.
Pukul tiga terbangun. Both, aku dgn mama. And I realize perut aku dah tak sakit. Rasa mual mual je sikit.
Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful aku dah okay.
Then I get to think, aku baru keracunan makanan. Belum sakaratul maut. Belum rasa mcm mana hari akhirat. Belum tau mcm mana rasa melintasi titian sirat. Belum dpt bayangkan pun mcm mana siksa neraka.
Ya Allah, ampunilah kami. Kurniakanlah kami kebaikan di dunia, dan kebaikan di akhirat. Jauhilah kami dari azab api neraka.
Its time to pack for school actually, but, I feel so malas to even get up from this bed. Malas nak ambik barang yg jauh 15 cm pun. Ini kategori malas level tujuh juta. Mampus.
Harini training netball. Malas.
Belum buat frontpage kerja sejarah. Malas.
Belum siap homework. Malas. Haha tipu je I've done my homeworks di masa rajin yang lepas.
Esok competition netball. Malas.
Iron baju. Malas.
Lapar tapi makanan kat bawah. Malas.
Belajar.
Lagila malas ngok.
And I feel like a retard di mana aku duduk atas katil, termenung, dahlah belum gosok gigi, kepala goyang goyang. I don't know what should I do, eh no no, actually I know, but I refuse to do, sebab I am that malas. One of the malasest days
Tapi one thing,
I want to tell everyone about how much I love my mum.
Entah, she is so supportive, in a way, yes, she is indirectly supportive.
Di mana bila dia nampak my tired face bila balik dari sekolah, she will ask me, "Arina dah makan?"
Di mana bila mama sentiasa akan tanya "Anything to print?" sebab printer kat rumah rosak and she can always print my stuffs at school.
Di mana bila I have too much homeworks that she know that I might sleep at 3, mama ironkan baju sekolah arina.
Di mana bila I have training awal awal pagi, especially on saturday, mama akan paksa abah stop dekat any kedai just to buy me breakfast.
Di mana mama, akan spend like 30 minutes doing questions yang arina tak dapat buat pasal factorization.
Dia la yang beli my first telekung.
Dia la yang beli my first facewasher.
Dia la yang beli my first pad.
Dia la yang beli my first revision book.
Dia la yang give me moral support when I started to betul betul cover my aurat (its a long story)
Dia la yang ajar arina baca Al-Quran
Dia la yang akan masak my favourite food kalau she notice I don't eat for few days, sebab depression
Dia la mak yang paling memahami, yang sentiasa support her anak yang pelik, yang sangat cantik, yang very the baik, yang membebel tapi masih comel.
I am so thankful dapat mama. I might be the most pelik, nakal in the family but trust me, kalau Allah bagi Arina peluang, arina nak duduk dengan mama sampai mati. Because I love you too much.
I know that mama has always love me
I just don't know how much
InsyaAllah ma. I'll do my best in everything dalam PMR, SPM, dalam dunia ni, dalam ibadah, like what you taught us.
