Six Degrees Of Separation

I think a lot, recently
Kadang kadang tutup lampu pukul 11 but pukul 1 baru dapat tido
I realize I need to speak my heart out
Tapi bila difikir balik,
Will they understand me?
What I actually went through, no one really knows.

I coudn't really tweet how I feel
Kalau la kan aku tweet cakap aku masih tak boleh move on
Its like commiting a suicide
I won't jeopardize my own life okay? Hahaha
Twitter is full of judgemental eyes and brains
Where they criticize people 24/7
Where they stalk and start to hate us internetically (if this word is accepted)

This is why I didn't tell people in public about my blog.
Its my personal page.
The more people know about it, the less that i can write.
I need to do a lot of confession.

and this is my confession *gaya usher ewah*

I really had a rough time moving on.
Maybe neither of you understand
I keep on telling people around me that I had moved on,
There is no more him,
I love studying,
It doesn't hurt that much anymore,
Its just a stupid past to remember,
But its not.
No.

Well maybe if he reads this he won't understand me either
He'll be like "why did you love me so much?" or "oh come on its just a 97 days relationship"
Maybe some (or maybe all) of you think that I am just being super emotional about my first love
Cause he had found his love, he is so happy with her right now.
And he might forgot how much secrets I spilled to him cause I trust him that much
he might has forgot already how does his eyes looked when he looked at me when I cried
he might never know, at all, that he has actually fixed me that time

but i won't.
I still remember the feeling when you tarik my tudung everytime jumpa
I still remember all the ink stain on my hand,
you even write "ilysdm" on my hand on the day I had my KHB paper
and when you finished your test you will show me the papers, there were my full name on each pages.

You know what?
Knowing you are now happy with her does not hurt me that much
Knowing that I was once your everything is.

I am really tired of struggling with my own feelings
Its like everything I do is a sort of desperation
I need a closure
A closure for this.

"First, you think the worst is the broken heart,
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world split down in middle
And fourth, you're gonna think you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little" -The Script

This is when I know I'm going through six degrees of separation.