penakut.

Ok i need to write this.
Aku tak tau la recently ni kenapa aku pelik sangat
I mean aku happy giler kalau depan orang
Tak, bukan happy pura pura ek
My happiness is real, sbb kira I got my strength daripada those who love me la

Tapi bila aku sorang sorang kan
Emo mengalahkan izzah yg ditinggalkan encik haris
Boleh la buat hikayat tsunami rindu lepas ni. ihiks.

Ntah la. Aku banyak fikir pasal
Where will I stand next year
Aku ada kasi syarat kat ma and abah
Arina akan masuk either sbp kat semenanjung or stay kat green road je
SO. maksudnya I will never accept sbp dkt kuching la

Reasons?
- I believe that green road dah okay for me. I can't even managed to get top 10 walaupun my average 92%.
Kira staying in green road is not as bad as other people may think. They are super genius!
-Most of my friends yg dah masuk asrama kat sini bnyk complain and mcm nak masuk green road balik.
- Alang alang masuk asrama yg dekat dgn rumah, why can't I just stay at home, belajar mcm biasa. Lagipun masa belajar kat asrama singkat. Nanti belum habis belajar dah kena tutup lampu. Nak taknak kena tido gak. I am not ready for this. Kalau time PMR ni pun aku rasa belajar sehari 6 jam pun tak make me feel prepared apatah lagi espeeyem nanti. But for this reason I can tolerate though hihi.
-I just don't want

and abah apply kan jugak sbp dkt kuching
"abah applykan kat sini dulu nanti abah transfer kan la ke sana"
which is...i think is not going to happen
abah ngn mama mcm slowly tgh pujuk aku supaya just stay in kch, masuk sbp kat sini
and that really bothers me
and aku rasa takkan ada org yg akan faham aku
aku tau parents aku know whats the best for me
aku tau they are trying to understand me too
sampai aku rasa I am a better zil than arina
Zil can tolerate everything
She can even tolerate with a boy who said he loves her tapi prgi sayang org lain
Rileks je pun (padahal menangis tiga baldi kan ahahahaha)
Arina? she can't even tolerate dgn adik dia yg tak reti tutup pintu bilik bila keluar

Padahal zil dgn arina org yg sama

Topic ni seems endless tau tak

Truth is aku bukan taknak pindah sbb kawan ke apa
Years have taught me that
No matter rapat mana la kau dgn dia
Friends won't be forever yours
Future is more important indeed
Aku mmg nak pindah
Start a brand new life at a brand new school
Atleast dkt semenanjung aku tau aku boleh cope
Yeah, maybe it takes time
Walaupun ma ngn abah takde kat sana
Tapi kalau sbp yg DEKAT DENGAN RUMAH
aku mmg tak boleh nak terima.
Sebab I know I can do better dkt green road

See? aku pun tak faham diri aku sendiri.
kalau ikut logic bila sekolah dkt dgn ma dgn abah la senang nak cope
ni nak sekolah jauh jauh
apa najis mughallazah sgt cara kau fikir ni
teruk petala kelapan

Whatever it is lah kan, arina bukan nak buat ma dgn abah risau ke apa.
Serious takde niat.
Arina sayang gila dkt mama dgn abah
Especially masa pmr haritu
mmg segala mcm benda korang kasi kat arina
Sampai hantar makanan ke bilik
sbb korang tau I won't stop studying until my bed time

setiap kali bincang benda ni dgn mama mesti make me burst into tears
perasaan yg aku sendiri tak faham apa yg aku nak
nampak sangat aku penakut
which I looked less than my usual perky self
zil ni sebenarnya tak lah kuat mana.