I'm sad.

Assalamualaikumwarahmatullah.

I don't know why I am here, I was supposed to prepare my ass off for coming scholarship interview this tuesday. I guess I need to prepare A LOT, well, rasa mcm teruk sangat dah for not having my times spent on books. My english and all that, ugh. Yea I know most people was like 'chill lah for interview u only need to be urself, don't stressed out la'

well. I agree about the don't get stressed out part, but presenting myself as myself is not cool enough. I need to improve and sugarcoat myself to look cool, okay?

The bad part right now is I've been too sad lately. I have so many doubts. Simply about everything; future, parents, my cat tak balik rumah (sounds pretty simple but org yg pernah rasa je tau rasa dia mcm mana), and .....him. I know its been months, but I can't help it. It hurts. I have so many things to tell him but I couldn't say all that. Cut ties, no texts, no calls, no nothing. and for months, every night without failing, I check my phone in case he called. Tired of that, really. I'm tired of checking my phone and not seeing his name.

I thought I've prepared for this.
"Sayang tak cukup"
Been repeating the line for like thousand times. Dulu.
As I grow older, I realised in relationship, we need something more than just love. People can be so in love, but can't be together.

"If she really loved you she would not have gave you up like that"
If, someone ever told you that, remember, giving up on you is the most painful thing I've ever done. It really does hurt me that much. For these two years I've depended on you so much once I lost you I feel numb. But I didn't say giving you up is a wrong decision. I still believe that's the best that I can do, did and done. I need to stop hurting both you and I, and letting each other go is the best no matter how painful it is. Wah tonight me so emo.

Well. Pray for my future undertakings I need to rebuild my goal and life.

Till we meet again.

Love,
Zil.