I'm sad.

Assalamualaikumwarahmatullah.

I don't know why I am here, I was supposed to prepare my ass off for coming scholarship interview this tuesday. I guess I need to prepare A LOT, well, rasa mcm teruk sangat dah for not having my times spent on books. My english and all that, ugh. Yea I know most people was like 'chill lah for interview u only need to be urself, don't stressed out la'

well. I agree about the don't get stressed out part, but presenting myself as myself is not cool enough. I need to improve and sugarcoat myself to look cool, okay?

The bad part right now is I've been too sad lately. I have so many doubts. Simply about everything; future, parents, my cat tak balik rumah (sounds pretty simple but org yg pernah rasa je tau rasa dia mcm mana), and .....him. I know its been months, but I can't help it. It hurts. I have so many things to tell him but I couldn't say all that. Cut ties, no texts, no calls, no nothing. and for months, every night without failing, I check my phone in case he called. Tired of that, really. I'm tired of checking my phone and not seeing his name.

I thought I've prepared for this.
"Sayang tak cukup"
Been repeating the line for like thousand times. Dulu.
As I grow older, I realised in relationship, we need something more than just love. People can be so in love, but can't be together.

"If she really loved you she would not have gave you up like that"
If, someone ever told you that, remember, giving up on you is the most painful thing I've ever done. It really does hurt me that much. For these two years I've depended on you so much once I lost you I feel numb. But I didn't say giving you up is a wrong decision. I still believe that's the best that I can do, did and done. I need to stop hurting both you and I, and letting each other go is the best no matter how painful it is. Wah tonight me so emo.

Well. Pray for my future undertakings I need to rebuild my goal and life.

Till we meet again.

Love,
Zil.

UPDATE: SPM RESULT YAY

I know its kinda late but but but its better late than neverrrr.
I am currently juggling between medic or law, entahlah.
Pray for my success.

As for my SPM result; let the picture do the talking. Alhamdulillah, it is more than what I've expected.

Thank you people. Couldn't have done it without everyone. I remember both ma and abah, tak putus putus keep telling me to be strong. Cikgu cikgu yg believe in me, I remember jalan nak masuk dewan periksa almost every cikgu give me a promising look, angguk sambil sebut nama 'Zil'. Friends, yg dah banyak ajar, dan banyak mintak ajar. Ahmad Syamim Kamel, yg sentiasa ada. All the juniors. I remember waking up on the first day of SPM, sebelah ada kitkat and goodluck note. locker penuh dgn cute goodluck notes siap ada gambar bagai. How I can not be thankful? I also remember masa isi air dkt watercooler before paper bio acik cleaner approached me and told me yg dia doakan semoga semua berjalan lancar. Sungguh, Allah mmg Maha Pemberi Nikmat.

Will update from time to time.
Pray for me.
Bye, Assalamualaikum :D

ZIL HIDUP LAGI GAIS

Assalamualaikum hi gais lamanya tak update!!!!!!!

Just realised how much I miss writing. So dalam masa beberapa tahun ni I managed to:
1. Get into SBP, SM Sains Kuching Utara
2. Became a headgirl
3. Having tough life dealing with school politics and bullshits
4. Fell in love
5. Fell out of love
6. Failed addmaths for six times
7. Worked my ass off for SPM
8. Finally got an A for addmaths for trial (that was my second time passing) (so purdy) (i know)
9. Survived SPM
10. Graduated from school

wow I just compressed years into just 10 points.

aku bukan apa kalau aku cerita panjang panjang kang aku emo korang pun tau level emo aku mcm mana kan? aku skrg in a process of forgive and forget dan buka buku baru. haa giteww. okay muah ciked.

sebenarnya gini ler. aku tgh menghargai nikmat cooty sbb aku syak ramai org yg tak bersyukur dgn nikmat cuti dgn post post rindu nak belajar/rindu kelas/ rindu buku. apa ingat aku tak stalk korang ke hah? nak cakap cuti aku ni produktif sgt idok ler. mereput mereput jugak. but bahagia lagi aku mereput drpd sakit spm dah dah ler tu aku takmao spm dah :(

apa apa pun aku ada banyak goals cuti. ada yg tercapai ada jugak yg ke laut. al maklumlah kwn kwn kita manusia hanya mampu merancang. HAHA. tipu je gais. mmg semua ketentuan tuhan tapi dulu form three aku belajar qada ada dua qada mubram ngn qada muallaq. qada muallaq ni gais dpt diubah dgn doa dan effort. ha gitew. amagad ustaz rusdi must be proud of meh.

#1: Masa tido ideal
ni memang sumpah life goal terunggul aku weh. ok mcm ni la lain org lain cara. aku ni jenis night person. mostly my friends tidur awal and wake up at 3 to study. bukan mostly aku rasa hampir satu batch mmg mcm tu. (lol asrama kan) but aku kalau nak ikut jejak dorang mmg kimsalam je beb aku akan bina taik mata je instead of bina sel otak baru kalau sapa sapa seret aku gi bilik prep pagi pagi buta. aku jenis yg haaa balik kelab malamkelas malam pukul 10 aku akan terus hadap buku sampai pukul tiga pagi. agak sakit la. dulu bukan main aku pasang azam omg omg tazabarnya habes spm dpt tidur awal dpt qada tidur tiga bulan do. jokes on me, result dah nak keluar pun tidur pukul 3 4 pagi. ntah insomnia ke anaemia ke tanzania ke (apa kena mengena) aku  pun tak tau. kdg dh ready atas katil tutup lampu semua pukul 10 tapi sbb fikir bnyk sgt pukul 2 baru lelap. so frustrating girl i kenot.

#2: NAK BACA NOVEL JUGAK!!!!
okay aku tak tipu aku mmg puasa novel sejak masuk form four. serious wattpad pun tak baca dah sbb focus study punya pasal. ha aku dh ckp aku bab sekolah sekolah ni level nerd aku shizuka dlm cite doraemon tu pun tak dpt celen aku punya. tapi tu la nerd belajar je. tuhan ja tau betapa setannya aku bab bab lain kat sekolah. u knw, girls and novels in asrama berpisah tiada. aku nak sgt baca buku non ilmiah masa zaman spm but then lepas spm mcm haram takda perasaan dah. huhu cerita dia sbb aku busy memasak dan jaga baby kat rumah

#3: Ma, nak blaja masak.
ni paling win bro. takde. sebelum ni aku mmg ok je masak sbb dh selalu sgt homealone. tapi lps spm ni percaya atau idok aku yg hari hari masak kat rumah ni. so kira biasa biasa escalated to chef real quick la. dh reti dah pecah minyak apa semua. harini baru je masak nasi lemak dgn ayam berempah. menantu goals sangat kan huhuhuhu i tau.

#4: nak kerja sbb nak duit
This doesnt turn out well due to transportaion problem. aku duk bangi. and sgt jauh dari kedai sbb kat ceruk taman universiti ni kalau tak reti drive mmg tak ke mana la jawabnya. keliling universiti and u know how big they can be. but its okay. aku tak tau la kerja aku ni legal ke idok but aku dibayar untuk translate thesis kakak aku. not very much but ilmu yg aku dpt mmg priceless. try me gais throw me any quetions about osteoporosis. aku bagi jawapan bentuk essay 20 markah punya

#5: Travel
I spent quite a lot of time enjoying new places with my family and friends. Tak jauh mana pun but aku dh sampai main lompat lompat kat sungai sampai kaki cramp it was ajsjabjwkajka.

hamboih ingat nak singgah kejap je tadi tertulis panjang plak.
insyaAllah will write more soon.
I really need to stop keeping all feelings to myself.
I need to fix my messed up sleeping pattern.

ok dah bai muah muah!!! <33333 p="">

Buku baru.

Assalamualaikum.

Zil is back? Are you surprised?

Tak payah surprised sangat la. Told you I won't leave this blog mcm tu je

I grew up with this blog

Dari kecik lagi. Its been 6 years. Dari zaman friendster je zaman instagram yaw

Sebab dah lama sangat tak update, I wish you all the best la baca post yang maha panjang ni.

Hiks.

So....my latest post was 4 months ago.

Adalah kisahnya disebalik post emo tahap melampau tu

All I remember was I was too hurt, too angry that I don't even talk to people the whole day

I can feel the pain in my chest

Macam ada benda yang perlu dikeluarkan

I was angry

I was hurt

I didn't tweet for 2 weeks (sampai puasa tweet tau)

I privated my blog and tak berani bukak dah

until today,

lol it takes me 4 months lebih to recover

Teruknyewww merajuk!

Well well well. So, what happened to Zil dalam masa 4 bulan?

You have no idea :p

January 2014

I am still living my life happily dekat SMK Green Road yang terchenta with my favourite people

Life is easy.

(((Except the school part, except the addmaths part, except the whole SPM part))))

I just love my life in Green Road. I had everything.

I have my friends, my friends are my everything.

I have my mum, my mum is my everything.

I have my room, my room is my everything

Pendek kata, I am comfortable with my life at that particular time

which does not last

Ada plot twist sikit hahahaha

Macam ni cerita dia...

My friend, Amirullah tgh memuntahkan rasa (sesi luahan dari hati ke hati) tentang betapa takutnya dia nak masuk SBP. Dia dpt Sekolah Sains Johor. and I was like "You're going to be alright, benda ni Allah dah tetapkan so have faith. Everything happens for a reason tau tak" to him.

I have no idea that

at that particular time

I was offered to ________________ (you fill in the blanks urself lol)

tak terfikir pun. dah apply tapi takde hati langsung nak check

Tapi Allah gerakkan hati suruh check malam tu jugak

Okay, fine, okay. So I checked.

"Tahniah, Anak anda Zil Hayatul Arina Binti Mohd Razip 981027-13-XXXX telah ditawarkan ke _________"

I was like

I was like

I was like

WHAT?

and the first one to know is Amirullah. Sebab we were facing the same situation and all the advices I gave him I baca balik I was like oh my god what is this? hahahaha. But seriously though

I really don't know what to do

I was speechless

The suitable word here is takut

Aku cukup takut.

The next day, datang sekolah dgn mata kembang, I told Stephanie everything

Only Stephanie knows how much I cried masa tu

(oh you might be wondering, why do I cry so much? Because its zil we're talking about

She cries to almost everything hehehe)

Leaving my friends in Green Road is the last thing I want to do in my life

Petang lepastu baru I discuss with my parents.

Sebab I want to talk about that only when I am ready

dah ready lah kot

kot la

but... kun fa ya kun. Allah is the best planner after all kan?

So aku redha. I told myself that this is for my own good

Sakit mana pun, pahit mana pun, aku kena telan.

What hurts me the most is

I had to leave Steph on her worst days

Her mom meninggal time cuti hari tu. Cancer.

Lepas cuti, aku pulak tinggalkan dia duduk sorang2. Empty seat. Next to her.

I feel so bad. Do I really have to leave her in that condition?

February 2014

New school. Tutup buku lama bukak buku baru.

Everythings fine, Alhamdulillah. Semua orang baik. Juniors, Seniors, Cikgu, Cleaner, Makcik Canteen, alhamdulillah. Especially Bonda, pengetua yang mmg layan aku mcm anak dia sendiri,

Bersyukur.

I went to Kedah on the third week aku kat sekolah tu

Kursus Kepimpinan PRS.

And this is the best part kalau masuk SBP kat sarawak.

Apapa program SBP,

Korang akan dibawak ke semenanjung free of charge. Hehehe. MAS taw.

Kitorang stay kat Universiti Inn kat UUM Kedah.

Sumpah best.

Siap jumpa matlutfi lagi! (he is very tall. tak macam dalam video ek sekian)

Kursus ni zon utara je la. Campuq dengan sekolah Tun Syed, integrasi Gopeng, MCKK, STAR, semua sekolah kat zon utara la.

Best la kursus ni. Siap boleh tersangkut dgn sorang mamat STAR lagi. Ooops.

Hahahaha but serious though. Masa program outreach, we went to this school, SK Siputeh,

bagi taklimat kat diorang about SBP. Sebab rural areas kan? Kasi expose sikit la apa SBP apa semua.

This guy named Zulfarhan, orang lain semua panggil dia Paan tau. But dengan zil, nama dia tukar jadi zul.

Hahahaha masa tgh nak bagi taklimat kat budak budak sekolah rendah tu.. dia perkenalkan diri dia

"Assalamualaikum adik adik, nama abang Zul. Nama kakak sebelah ni Zil" and I was jajbjwlkjaalajksihdwkjebb gvakjahja kalau boleh nak tergolek kat situ jugak. Zul, kenapa comel sangat? Hahahahahhahahahaha kbai.

sampai sekarang kena bahan hahahaha ok zil ok

Hari berganti hari,

Minggu berganti minggu

Tipulah kalau cakap hidup tak susah kat sekolah baru

Undeniable.

Mengantuk dalam kelas

Taktau apa yang cikgu ajar sebenarnya

Hari hari assembly pagi petang siang malam.

Siapa tak penat?

The only thing yang buat aku kuat kat situ is...my friends

You have no idea how close are we, walaupun baru jumpa.

Semangat batch hahahahaha

One of my bestfriends there, Aryfah Binti Badrulzaman, dia bestfriend arwah Alya dulu.

And guess what? Ayah dia pun baru je meninggal. Imagine, ayah dia baru meninggal, dia kakak sulung, 7 hari lepastu dia terus masuk SBP. Choosing a difficult path. I have no idea how can a person be that strong.

And then ada this krek girl, Rabiatul Adawiyah. Semua orang panggil dia bieys.

I have no idea why. But three of us, we call ourselves kariots4lyf. why kariots?

Sebab Karyfah, Rabikari and Karina are bestfriends. Ada la satu hari ni, kitorang makan roti jala and ada la this tragic curry tragedi. Since hari tu kami jadi kariots. Hiks.

And baru last week aku balik dari KL. Ada kursus Ketua Pelajar.

Bonda mcm dah slowtalk dgn aku, dia kira nak kasi mandat KP perempuan kat aku.

Dia taknak kacau form 5 katanya

Dia nak pelapis katanya

Katanya.

Kursus tu kat KL ja.

Boleh tahan best jugak la kursus dia... but I still suka yg kat kedah haritu (sbb ada zul kot eh eh eh eh hahaha)

Dahlah terpaksa skip 6 papers. Org lain sibuk exam aku sibuk kursus.

Balik hari selasa, 10:30 malam.

Esok pagi rabu, terus exam Physics, Bio, Chemist

MEMANG TAK LA HAHAHAHHA

tapi betul la. Selasa malam tu aku memang nangis betul betul nangis.

Esok exam tiga paper racun

Belum study pape

LOL all I remember was aku duduk dalam gelap, tepi luggage, makan spaghetti dalam gelap (dah lights off dah)

aku menangis mkn spaghetti tu

because that is my mum's spaghetti.

Mama sempat jenguk aku kat airport sekejap haritu. siap bagi spaghetti tau

(I love you ma)

and I cried really hard that night

Belum lagi official jadi Ketua Pelajar

tapi pressure dia...........masyaAllah

I just can't.

and here I am, kat rumah, dengan kerja yang maha banyak tapi masih sempat update blog, LOL

Thanks cuti. Saaaaayang cuti.

Sekian, wassalam.

p/s: Deepest condolesence untuk family mangsa dan crew yang terlibat dalam tragedi MH370. They are lucky, sayang. Satu Malaysia is praying for them. Semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya, InsyaAllah. Keep praying. 

A series of untold unfortunate event, that you've created.

I need to write this

I really need to write this

One day you will realize that no one actually give a damn about your feelings

Not that guy

Not your friends

Not even your family

They might read your personal diary and tweet something soul depriving about it

Leaving yourself ruined

Like you can't be fixed anymore

They shout at your face

Leaving yourself speechless

Feeling unwanted

They tweet shit about you

Turning your usual perky self

into a soulless bitch

I will kneel in front of you,

If I can.

Aku mintak satu je.

No matter how much you hate me

No matter how many times I become a "fun" subject to you and your friends

No matter how much you know about my secrets

Don't let me know

Don't fucking let me know

I had enough.

I am so tired I can't stand anymore.

p/s: sorry for the sad posts

zil is being her stupid self again.

bodoh.

kusut

Once upon a time

In a land God-knows-where,

There was a princess named Zil

She was so beautiful

She was so beautiful that everyone dies

The end.











p/s: sorry for not being there for you.

Six Degrees Of Separation

I think a lot, recently
Kadang kadang tutup lampu pukul 11 but pukul 1 baru dapat tido
I realize I need to speak my heart out
Tapi bila difikir balik,
Will they understand me?
What I actually went through, no one really knows.

I coudn't really tweet how I feel
Kalau la kan aku tweet cakap aku masih tak boleh move on
Its like commiting a suicide
I won't jeopardize my own life okay? Hahaha
Twitter is full of judgemental eyes and brains
Where they criticize people 24/7
Where they stalk and start to hate us internetically (if this word is accepted)

This is why I didn't tell people in public about my blog.
Its my personal page.
The more people know about it, the less that i can write.
I need to do a lot of confession.

and this is my confession *gaya usher ewah*

I really had a rough time moving on.
Maybe neither of you understand
I keep on telling people around me that I had moved on,
There is no more him,
I love studying,
It doesn't hurt that much anymore,
Its just a stupid past to remember,
But its not.
No.

Well maybe if he reads this he won't understand me either
He'll be like "why did you love me so much?" or "oh come on its just a 97 days relationship"
Maybe some (or maybe all) of you think that I am just being super emotional about my first love
Cause he had found his love, he is so happy with her right now.
And he might forgot how much secrets I spilled to him cause I trust him that much
he might has forgot already how does his eyes looked when he looked at me when I cried
he might never know, at all, that he has actually fixed me that time

but i won't.
I still remember the feeling when you tarik my tudung everytime jumpa
I still remember all the ink stain on my hand,
you even write "ilysdm" on my hand on the day I had my KHB paper
and when you finished your test you will show me the papers, there were my full name on each pages.

You know what?
Knowing you are now happy with her does not hurt me that much
Knowing that I was once your everything is.

I am really tired of struggling with my own feelings
Its like everything I do is a sort of desperation
I need a closure
A closure for this.

"First, you think the worst is the broken heart,
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world split down in middle
And fourth, you're gonna think you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little" -The Script

This is when I know I'm going through six degrees of separation.

Wordless Wednesday

Nur Syahirah Yuan 

Saya chenta kawan kawan saya. Anda?

Membebel session yang panjang berjela that it might waste your five minutes

Sometimes all we need is clarity
About who we are, what we need to change about ourselves
We need to spill our thoughts
Decipher the message yg bersimpul mcm earphone kat dalam otak
To keep ourselves at the right lane
To avoid the urge of doing something stupid
And the important thing is to prevent ourselves from succumbing to peer pressure

Peer pressure

Bunyi mcm benda kecik
But to be honest, I do realize that as a teenager,
The wall between peer pressure and I is thin, very thin.
I got insecure so easily.
Especially about my studies.
Orang dapat 100, aku nak jugak.
That is why my PMR year seems to be a bit stressful than other PMRers.
Sangat drama queen but I can't help it :p

So...since I own a blog
Do you mind if I do my clarity session?
Right here, right now?



Zil penuh electrons (zil yang negative)

Saya sangat annoying dan saya tahu.
Tendency untuk aku buat benda yang tersangat bodoh ialah sangat besar kalau

1. aku tgh berserabut
2. aku tgh happy gila babi

Contoh:

Ok this happened last year. Zaman jahiliyah, sebab aku tgh bermasalah dgn syafiq,
Ish geli pulak aku nak ingat. hahaha. aku frust la masa tu.
He was my first boyfriend, and I really loved him (past tense ya kawan kawan)
Ok let me share with you one thing
Syafiq was my friend
A listener, a companian
Somehow I think he is just a rebound to all my sadness
Lepas arwah meninggal, bertugas sorg diri, dan aku rasa aku sgt jauh dgn kawan kawan aku
And he was there
He listened. Aku tak malu pun kalau nak nangis dpn dia pun.
Because he was that good, good friend.
And masa mcm ni la tendency untuk fall in love ni sgt besar
Macam menstrual cycle, ada fertile phase kan?
Masa ni la "fertile phase" dia.
Masa kau sedih, and he listens.
Ewah. Hahahha
Okay I might be fifteen but falling in love tu lumrah la.
And I learnt my lesson.
I want to make these two years the best that I could do
SPM = hidup dan mati
jangan harap la aku nak cari masalah lagi lepas ni
Okay balik cerita tadi,
aku tgh frust pasal syafiq and aku mmg tak focus pasal semua benda
I went for a movie with yuki.
Abah buat hal lain
Dia suruh bayar parking. okay, fine.
Aku bayar, lepas tu kan we need to keep this card sampai kita nak keluar kan?

Guess what? lepas bayar aku pergi buang ticket ni.
Lepas buang baru aku mcm..."ok jap what was I doing?"
Dan cerita lepas tu aku taknak cerita sbb aku taknak ingat
I hate nightmares.


Positive, bright zil

I am persistent about what I am doing
By hook or my crook, aku mesti dapat jugak apa yg aku nak
Kadang kadang I am too enthusiastic that I get hurt easily

Siapa pernah nangis berjam sbb nak kucing baru?
Well I did.
Siapa pernah study agama sampai tak tido and just to make sure I got 100?
Well I did.
Siapa pernah tulis 9 essay the night sebelum exam just to make sure that I will write a good essay for my BI paper?
Well I did. 9 essay 9 hours. Pukul berapa ntah tido.

I know what I want, and I will go for it.
Blogging is my passion, walaupun tak ramai tau I own a blog
Satisfication every time kita publish our spilled thought mmg sgt best ok
Macam lepas buat maths.

I, too, student yg sangat baik. (lah sangat)
I tried my best not to signing up for instagram, line, we chat or such
sbb aku tau I might get attached, addicted
Addict the twitter pun susah nak control,
Macam mana la yg lain tu.
Studies is my first priority.
No compromise.
Walaupun lepas PMR, I'm doing my best to make every days productive (walaupun banyak tido)
Tak kisah la mcm mana pun.
Ewah anak siapa lah ni.



I might be fifteen
My vision of my future is still blurred
But I'm doing my best to make sure I'll survive, dunia dan akhirat.
All I need is support.
I need someone to correct me whenever I am wrong.

Like what I said,
aku ni zil tepi jalan je.
I need support.
I really need support.

Hilang dan Hikmah.

Salam sejahtera ke atasmu.

Serious rasa kosong. Rinduuuuu rasanya nak busykan diri dengan buku buku sekolah.
Hehe. tapi dah seminggu cuti ni, tiga empat novel gak la dah habis
I really love books, walaupun muka aku tak rupa bookworm langsung
Well I will look like one if I use spectacles
Tapi jgn harap la aku nak keluar rumah pakai specs
ai pakai contact lens ok
luka di jari mmg la u tau
rabun di mata ai u apa tau
luka di hati lagiii la u tak tau
lol what am i writing?

And time time rasa kosong mcm ni la aku..
aku rindu alya.
Allahyarhamah Alyanur.
Macam mimpi, giving a title "Allahyarhamah" to someone who used to be your partner in crime
Tapi ni semua kuasa Dia kan? He knows best
He is the Best Planner after all

Aku ingat lagi time form one
Masa tu masih baru lagi kat kuching
Bahasa sarawak pun masih fasa saya-faham-tapi-saya-tak-reti-cakap lagi
Orientation week was extremely awkward
Nasib baik aku friendly (masuk bakul angkat sendiri lulz)
Tapi serious apa, dari aku kecik I change school for like every three years
Harus lah friendly.

Back to my story, arwah kira one of my first bestfriend kat sini
Yang satu kepala
Sebab mak kitorg sama sama cikgu
Mak dia cikgu kat sekolah rendah dia dulu
Mak aku cikgu kat sekolah menengah aku sekarang
anak cikgu kan? both dulu pengawas
and kitorang pun sama sama decide untuk join smk green road's prefect board
semua org mcm "ish tak payah la nanti kena dtg awal troublesome gila" (dalam bhs sarawak ofcoz)
kitorg je mcm "who cares jadi pengawas je pun bukannya jadi cleaner"

So....we joined
Nak jadi prefect kat sini dia kena go through interview and probation period

Time jadi probation prefects tu memang seksa sangat ek
seksa weh seksa
I mean like kitorg semua form one
dah lah pendek (ni apply kat aku je kot hahahhaa)
nak suruh seniors yg dah besar tu ikut ckp kitorang
mmg tak ah kan?
So, alya la yg mmg tempat aku share semua benda

Aku pernah kejar budak peralihan
Dia pun pernah
Aku pernah kena langgar dgn senior
Dia pun pernah

Memang fairy god mother tau.

We've been through so many things together.

To be honest dia je la org yg pernah I had Harry-Potterish-conversation with
Cerita pasal kenapa malfoy yg sebenarnya berhak ke atas wand dumbledore
macam macam
Org lain nak cakap pasal harry potter dgn aku?
tak kot.......

One day dia tak dtg
Seminggu
Lebih
Aku tgk atas meja cikgu ada nota
Aku dah serabut dah
I really missed her.
Pengawas kan keluar rehat awal?
You have no idea how lonely I was masa dia tgh tak ada tu
Rehat sorg sorg
Bertugas sorg sorg
Masa aku lawat dia kat hospital,
she promised untuk balik ke sekolah
at 2 November
How can I forget 2 November?
Dia dah janji.

Aaa okay I better stop cerita panjang panjang.

21 October 2011, Dia kembali ke rahmatullah.
It was apendix, bukan kidney infection yg doctor ckp sebelum ni
Tu je la time aku pernah nangis 12 jam tanpa henti
Yang memang betul betul buat aku mati

Sungguh aku cakap, perasaan hilang orang ni cuma org yg pernah "hilang" je boleh rasa
Sakit dia, we can't even put into  words.
Hari ke-7 Alya meninggal, aku pergi jumpa mak dia
Sangat heartbreaking
I really can't, tengok mak dia menangis mcm tu

And all of us sambung kehidupan mcm biasa...

It was hard though
Well, it takes time.
And Alhamdulillah skrg aku okay.
Baru last month three weeks lepas jumpa mak arwah.
Dua hari before PMR, paper bm.

Bapak dia siap tunjuk aku kat uncle uncle alya
"Tok kawan alya, pande nya tok. Sama Alya" dia cakap (Ni kawan Alya, pandai, sama Alya)
masa tu aku terharu
Rasa mcm alya masih ada
Rasa mcm kitorg masih berlumba markah siapa lagi tinggi

Is it a crime to miss my bestfriend?
I just miss my bestfriend

Al-Fatihah.

penakut.

Ok i need to write this.
Aku tak tau la recently ni kenapa aku pelik sangat
I mean aku happy giler kalau depan orang
Tak, bukan happy pura pura ek
My happiness is real, sbb kira I got my strength daripada those who love me la

Tapi bila aku sorang sorang kan
Emo mengalahkan izzah yg ditinggalkan encik haris
Boleh la buat hikayat tsunami rindu lepas ni. ihiks.

Ntah la. Aku banyak fikir pasal
Where will I stand next year
Aku ada kasi syarat kat ma and abah
Arina akan masuk either sbp kat semenanjung or stay kat green road je
SO. maksudnya I will never accept sbp dkt kuching la

Reasons?
- I believe that green road dah okay for me. I can't even managed to get top 10 walaupun my average 92%.
Kira staying in green road is not as bad as other people may think. They are super genius!
-Most of my friends yg dah masuk asrama kat sini bnyk complain and mcm nak masuk green road balik.
- Alang alang masuk asrama yg dekat dgn rumah, why can't I just stay at home, belajar mcm biasa. Lagipun masa belajar kat asrama singkat. Nanti belum habis belajar dah kena tutup lampu. Nak taknak kena tido gak. I am not ready for this. Kalau time PMR ni pun aku rasa belajar sehari 6 jam pun tak make me feel prepared apatah lagi espeeyem nanti. But for this reason I can tolerate though hihi.
-I just don't want

and abah apply kan jugak sbp dkt kuching
"abah applykan kat sini dulu nanti abah transfer kan la ke sana"
which is...i think is not going to happen
abah ngn mama mcm slowly tgh pujuk aku supaya just stay in kch, masuk sbp kat sini
and that really bothers me
and aku rasa takkan ada org yg akan faham aku
aku tau parents aku know whats the best for me
aku tau they are trying to understand me too
sampai aku rasa I am a better zil than arina
Zil can tolerate everything
She can even tolerate with a boy who said he loves her tapi prgi sayang org lain
Rileks je pun (padahal menangis tiga baldi kan ahahahaha)
Arina? she can't even tolerate dgn adik dia yg tak reti tutup pintu bilik bila keluar

Padahal zil dgn arina org yg sama

Topic ni seems endless tau tak

Truth is aku bukan taknak pindah sbb kawan ke apa
Years have taught me that
No matter rapat mana la kau dgn dia
Friends won't be forever yours
Future is more important indeed
Aku mmg nak pindah
Start a brand new life at a brand new school
Atleast dkt semenanjung aku tau aku boleh cope
Yeah, maybe it takes time
Walaupun ma ngn abah takde kat sana
Tapi kalau sbp yg DEKAT DENGAN RUMAH
aku mmg tak boleh nak terima.
Sebab I know I can do better dkt green road

See? aku pun tak faham diri aku sendiri.
kalau ikut logic bila sekolah dkt dgn ma dgn abah la senang nak cope
ni nak sekolah jauh jauh
apa najis mughallazah sgt cara kau fikir ni
teruk petala kelapan

Whatever it is lah kan, arina bukan nak buat ma dgn abah risau ke apa.
Serious takde niat.
Arina sayang gila dkt mama dgn abah
Especially masa pmr haritu
mmg segala mcm benda korang kasi kat arina
Sampai hantar makanan ke bilik
sbb korang tau I won't stop studying until my bed time

setiap kali bincang benda ni dgn mama mesti make me burst into tears
perasaan yg aku sendiri tak faham apa yg aku nak
nampak sangat aku penakut
which I looked less than my usual perky self
zil ni sebenarnya tak lah kuat mana.

Done.

Alhamdulillah everything went well. Walaupun aku tau kali ni I made A LOT of unnecessary mistakeS, bila aku fikir balik effort yg telah aku buat, aku tenang sikit. Aku nak check semua paper pun jadi tak jadi sebab frust check paper sejarah ngn bm. apa yg aku salah semua yg aku tukar jawapan. sejarah aku empat salah. SEMUA tu my second answer. Kira kalau aku tak tukar  and fikir bnyk sgt aku boleh score 60/60. Takpelah. Ini org ckp bukan rezeki. Ah takpelah. masih A je pun. Doa dah, usaha dah. Sekarang tinggal tawakal je la.

Nak cakap confident dpt straight A tu, serious tak.
Entahlah. Aku trial semua mmg la straight A tapi the confidence is never there
Orang lain semua dok excited for maths paper,
I agree la paper maths mmg senang, tapi hari nak exam maths tu aku mesti rasa nervous nak mati
"what if i forgot how to describe rotation"
"what if  my graph senget"
"apa acceleration"
"what if calculator habis battery"

see?
The worst part in me is I have always been a slave to my own fears.
Unnecessary fears.

Lagipun haritu keluar article for paper two bi. Alhamdulillah I managed to write two full pages but pemeriksa tu akan suka ke dgn article aku yg sgt tak berapa tu?

Ish tak habis habis. Dah lah arina. ENOUGH.

YANG PENTING AKU BOLEH TIDO AND TENGOK TV SUKAHATI AKU SEKARANG HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

now dah takde la dgn buku je.

I can blog

I can watch tv

I can twitter

I can masak

I can mandikan kucing (omg lamanya tak mandikan gabby)

paling paling pun maybe mama hantar aku tuition, preparation untuk masuk form 4

and ofcourse, instead of waking up beside kamus dewan, buku teks sejarah etc, now i can wake up to my fav novel

Setahun tahun ni mcm ni la hidup aku. A slave to PMR books




BEST GILA WEH BEST GILA!!!!!

aku penat la. katil aku yang queen size tu rasa mcm semut size bila penuh dgn buku sebelah kanan aku
penat weh penat. hahaha

oh btw ingat tak hikayat acad azhari yg aku cerita kat diorg dulu tu? boleh tengok kat sini

ok aku mengaku sampai skrg we never talked
senyum senyum je hahaha
but guess what

First day, habis paper agama, aku pergi bilik guru cari mama. Walaupun mama sesi pagi, mama sanggup tunggu sampai pukul 4, sampai aku habis. hihi sayang mama.

"macam mana paper agama"
"Alhamdulillah senang"
"err arina."
"ah?"
"budak kelas mama, yg kau ckp kau mimpi haritu tu..."
"aaa kenapa?"
"dia suruh mama cakap goodluck kat arina"

hahahahahhaha masa tu dalam hati aku mcm ada background song:
KEUNGGULAN CINTAAA DARI SINAR MATA YANG BERGELORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


ok masa untuk kenduri party (eh) selama tujuh hari tujuh malam. bye

So yesterday was Nasya's birthday
I was studying sejarah the whole day
screw sejarah
hahahahahhahaha aku stress sebenarnya
belajar sejarah tak habis habis
tgk jam je terus lompat "omg im late"
mandi semua 4:30 ptg baru sampai rumah nasya

har har tak perempuan la kalau tak camwhore

takpe, we alls kan comel :P

dahlah sambung sejarah bye :(

p/s: nampak bebeno rushingnya. doakan aku untuk pmr okay? sumpah syg korang. bye

Friendzone Yang Afdal

Harini baru aku terfikir

Entah kenapa baru harini.

Sebelum ni org confess dgn aku, aku boleh je tak layan

Takyah reply txt, takyah jwb call, takyah senyum bila jumpa

Bagi aku, months later pandai pandai la diorg move on

They don't even like me for real pun

They don't even know me

Tapi harini, entahlah

It hurts me to know I am the reason he bleed inside

For years, dia yg dok jaga aku

Walaupun dia tau aku tgh angau dgn org lain tiga tahun lepas,

Dia masih ada untuk aku

Walaupun masa form one aku menghilangkan diri dkt kuching

Dia masih ada untuk aku

Walaupun masa form two aku start syg org lain, get into relationship pun,

Dia masih ada untuk aku

Dia la kot yg call aku pujuk aku time aku nangis

Sbb aku mmg syg sgt kat syafiq masa tu

Taknak ingat boleh? haha

Sekarang ni pun, he is still my big bro yg selalu tanya khabar semua, 

he is the only one yg sentiasa ckp "i miss you" yg ikhlas, dari aku sekolah rendah sampai skrg

Walaupun aku x response I miss you dia, dia masih ada

Apa motif aku post natang ni?

Oh sebab aku tgh serabut tadi

Aku rasa aku kejam

Walaupun aku tak dengar dari mulut dia

Aku tak bodoh untuk tak digest dia punya hint

Hint dia dah banyak sangat dah

Aku je buat tak reti

Serious aku bersyukur dpt kawan mcm kau

I feel that I am loved. 

Sebab aku ni taklah lawa mana

Pendek pulak tu

There are millions of people out there, yg way better than me

Aku ni dahlah tak berperasaan.

Kasar pulak tu.

Entahlah bila aku nak matured...........

Aku maybe tak tau sgt bab cintan cintun ni

Besar nanti aku fhm la.

Tipulah kalau aku takde crush

Crush mata je la. Bukan crush hati. (ewah hi acad azhari hahahahhaa)

Kalau suka sayang... errr. aku tak tipu, aku masih takde perasaan dgn sape2.

Kau bagilah aku laki hensem mana kalau aku tak syg mmg aku tak boleh syg

Bukan tak berperasaan. Lek la. I'm still fifteen kot

Kalau kau betul syg la dgn perempuan tu, you will wait until the right time

Until you are sure enough about your feelings

We are too young for this

Heart heals okay?

Aku harap aku tak kejam selama ni

Friendzone org mcm makan kuaci

I'm just zil

Apalah sangat nak lupakan budak tepi jalan ni

Salam PMRaya.

Assalamualaikum, salam 1 Malaysia

Aku rasa belum lambat lagi aku nak ckp selamat hari raya kat korang.
lekla
hari raya kan sebulan?

Selamat hari raya. Ampunkan salah silap aku.
Aku tau aku bnyk gila sakitkan hati org
Tapi demi Allah, aku takde niat pun nak sakitkan hati sesiapa.
Aku cuma zil tepi jalan (cewah) yg bnyk cacat celanya
Aku dah maafkan semua org
Aku pun harapla semua org tu maafkan aku.

Raya aku kali ni, entahlah
nak ckp tak best
takde la tak best pun
Tapi entah kenapa aku tawar hati
mcm...something is missing
or aku bnyk sgt fikir pasal exam ke? entah la.
Tapi aku rasa tawar setawar tawarnya
Padahal haritu masa trial bukan main teromaigod omaigod nak raya

Sehari lepas habis trial tu...lepas sahur aku terus buat monthly planning
A calender, a diary, and some colour pens
Aku dok buat annalysis
Aku nak tau aku perform ke tak
Sebab aku ada catat semua markah aku dlm diary aku since awal tahun lagi
and yes, bila aku kira kira semua,
exam first sem aku haritu mmg bnyk meningkat
walaupun increase 5 percent je average aku, aku mcm bangga gak ah
Tengah tunggu result trial je ni ha
Setakat ni aku tau bm maths geo sejarah je.

BM, decrease. From 90 to 88
Maths, increase from 87 to 94
Geo, increase from 88 to 95
Sejarah, decrease nak mampus. from 98 to 92. from 92 to 80.

Sejarah aku la spoil gila
80 tu la markah paling teruk aku pernah dpt selama tiga tahun aku ambik  subjek sejarah
Maybe sbb aku mcm tak pay attention tu sejarah sgt haritu
Entah. Over confident ke? tak jugak
Aku nangis kot lepas habis paper sejarah
Cukup bahaya. Aku takuttt je tak dpt A
Deep down inside aku mmg bersyukur jugak
Allah has a better plan for me. Dia nak aku tau usaha aku belum cukup. Biar aku study sungguh2.
I promise I'll do better
And back to my monthly planning tadi,
Aku kira kira tinggal 37 hari lagi nak trial ke 2.
37 hari tu 10 hari lepas la
so kira hari ni, 27 hari lagi aku exam lagi
Aku pun buat la jadual tak kira hari hari aku kena pegang buku jugak
Masa dah suntuk sgt
Aku taknak setakat straight A.
Aku nak semua 90 plus. Bukan sebab aku nak berlagak pandai
Do you ever wanted something so much it hurts?
Aku nak puaskan hati aku. Hati mama. hati abah
sbb bila aku dpt markah 90 plus tu, seolah olah my hardwork paid off tau tak
Mungkin org lain tak fhm kenapa aku tak puas hati sgt bila aku dpt 80 lebih
Aku dah buat apa yg aku boleh buat. 24 hours yg Allah bagi kat aku sehari aku aku pakai seelok eloknya
Aku nak hasil dia menjadi.

Dahlah. yang aku tension tension ni pasal apa
Tapi sebenarnya bukan benda ni je buat aku tension.
banyak la
benda yg aku tak boleh cite kat sini
This is so painful oh
:(

Ha'ah do. aku tak okay
Serious aku tak okay.
Aku rasa mcm nak nangis selalu
Tak dpt bukak pintu sbb tangan baru pakai lotion pun nak nangis,
pencil case terjatuh pun rasa nak nangis
Phone aku low batt pun rasa nak nangis
Aku nak tenangkan diri mcm mana lagi pun aku tak tau
Takpe, whatever it is, Allah is The Best Planner after all
Apa nak jadi, jadi la
Aku follow je.
Sakit tu sakit la
Aku bukan tak boleh handle
Tak mati pun sakit hati
sakit je
sikit je pun
kan?

Lagi satu desicion yg aku buat, kalau aku dpt, aku mmg akan masuk asrama
Aku nak belajar hidup sendiri.
Bukan aku tak syg kat kwn2 aku kat sarawak
sayang gila. diorg la the best thing that ever happened to me.
Aku cuma....nak lari.
Nak focus ngn study aku.
Kat asrama, senang sikit nak focus ngn study.
Aku kan suka study. cita cita aku mmg penstudy. (dah tak lawak ah tsk tsk tsk)

Tapi serious ah. Kau bagi aku buku, aku study 10 hours straight pun aku tak kisah
Study je la yg boleh aku lupa semua hal yg sakitkan hati aku
Study kira mcm painkiller aku la
Ewah. painkiller je la tapi.
Masa berjumpa, bersujud, bercakap dgn Allah tu la masa paling sweeeeet bagi aku
Betul la org ckp. Bila bercakap dgn pencipta kita, seolah2 mcm aku dah hilang dah semua masalah aku
Sebab aku mcm ingat balik, I don't aim here. I aim hereafter.

Raya aku tahun ni, tiga hari kat Sabak Bernam, satu hari kat Klang, satu hari kat Temerloh, satu hari kat genting highlands. Haha kitorg beraya kat Temerloh. tak plan pun pergi genting
Tapi alang alang lalu, why not kan?
A day dkt genting was quite fun
Dengan space shotnya ya allah lailahailallah subhanallah walhadulillah walailahailallah
Gila do
Oh kalau korang tak tau la space shot tu mcm mana jap aku google

best gila la aku ckp. Mmg awesome. masa naik tu rasa mcm okay lagi. tapi....gayat dia bukan main la. tersangat gayat. dahlah tinggi gila. tinggi gila pulak tu (fhm fhm je la ek) Masa kat atas tu aku mmg takut gila dah berzikir semua hahaha part dia jatuh tu ya Allah ya tuhanku......aku dah pasrah. serious ek. masa kau turun tu kau takkan rasa kau tgh duduk kat atas sesuatu. kau rasa mcm badan kau tgh jatuh dari atas ke bawah. dari satu tempat yg saaaaaaaaaaangat tinggi. aku pasrah gila hahahhaaha

tapi mmg best. kepada org yg mmg takut tinggi, takyah la. ni extreme sangat. kang pengsan atas tu susah pulak. muahaha.

Oklah. post raya dah tak mcm post raya langsung. Biasalah. org takde mood nak raya. ewah.

"Aku ada kawan kat pandan indah yang berseri seri,

Pindah ke Sarawak, ingatkan ke Miri,

Aku nak ucapkan selamat hari raya aidilfitri,

Kepada kwnku zilly silly lilly milly tilli.

Dia ni comel sgt sampai ada admirer nama (tut tak boleh ckp kat sini)

hehe tinggi tu tapi dulu kecik mcm ikan patin

Aku nak mintak maaf zahir dan batin,

oi kwn, satu hari nanti kita boleh jumpa mungkin?"

Tu lah wish raya paling comel pernah aku dapat.

Thank you syabil uhuk uhuk walaupun pantun kau pelik, aku terharu.

Sekian sahaja post yg tak berapa nak raya sgt dari saya kali ini

Selamat hari raya!! :D

Hikayat Acad Azhari aka Mamat Jumaat (dan Puteri Zil ewah)

Assalamualaikum!
AKU DAH HABIS PMR UOLLS!!

nope. habis trial je sebenarnya.
tapi aku sgt lega sbb aku dah terlepas dari tense feeling yg membuat aku breakdown setiap hari
kdg2 kesian jugak aku steph kena pujuk aku hari hari
I mean, aku fhm perasaan steph
aku faham perasaan org yg takde art of pujuk org ni (hahahaha sorry steph)
sbb aku pun tak reti pujuk org
tengok org nangis sebelah aku... nak buat ape ek? aku nak kena buat lawak ke mcm mana?
tu la. martial art, aku tau la sikit2. art of menembak, aku power. art of shopping, aku mmg legend.
tapi kalau art of pujuk org ni........................
takde
siapa la yg malang jadi laki aku nanti kan?
ahahahaha

tau tak....
aku suka mimpi pelik pelik.
especially time exam.
ingat lagi first sem haritu. second paper kot. esoknya sejarah. malam tu mmg hadap buku je la.
tapi aku rasa aku tido awal kot haritu. kol 10 dah tido. kalau tak pukul 3 pgi pun aku mmg xtido tido.
tapi pukul 12 aku dpt  call dari syazwin. cousin nasya. (btw sebelum korang kecelaruan maklumat, ni bukan mimpi) awin ckp "zil, nasya kat hospital" and i was like what??????
look, aku ni sensitive sikit kalau kawan aku sakit
Allahyarhamah Alyanur. I lost my bestfriend when I was 13. I waited for so long sbb she promised to come back. But she didn't. Allah lagi sygkan dia.
Ni nasya pulak masuk hospital. for the same reason pulak tu
Mana tak risau kan? malam tu aku mcm tido tak tido je la
bukan study pun. tak dpt tido.
pagi tu, around pukul 6, aku xbangun bangun.
Yuki kejutkan.
and guess what?
aku tetibe jerit. "WOWWW!!!!"
yuki ckp.. kuat.
yuki gelak gila gila
aku blurrr. dlm kereta baru aku ingat apa yg aku mimpi:
I was at the science lab. Dgn cikgu sim lee na. Kitorg tgh buat experiment
Mixing chemical, and something happened
Its like a spark kot, mcm firework keluar dari test tube tu
Tu yg "WOW" kot?

K.

And this time round, lain pulak ceritanya.
Mcm ni,
First time aku jumpa mamat ni bulan lima kot.
Sama sekolah, and yet aku tak pernah jumpa dia kat sekolah.
Sebab dia sesi pagi, aku sesi petang.
tapi selalu je aku turun pagi, tapi tak pernah nampak muka dia.
One fine day, friday, pukul 12 mcm tu, abah akan ambik aku kat rumah, nak hantar aku pergi sekolah.
Before that, kitorg ambik yuki dulu.
Aku tgh stress masa tu. Bnyk kerja la belum siap. Rushing masuk gate sekolah yuki, carik yuki.
Tetiba aku terlanggar budak ni
Darjah satu kot. Pendek gila manalah aku nampak. (tak sedar diri ckp org pendek)
ok fine. aku kena jalan tengok bawah ni la ek? Okay
tetibe terlanggar lagi org.
pap.
nasib muka tak tersentuh. sbb dia tinggi kot. haha.
Aku dah dgn muka terkejut aku. mata besar, menjerit, mulut terbuka
Mmg la terkejut. Ape mamat berlogo SMK Green Road buat kat sekolah adik aku ni
Dia rilex je. Tak ckp pape. Dia senyum. Senyum yg mmg senyum. Senyum yg menyejukkan hati (ewah)
in short, dia hensem bila dia senyum.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA LAMA AKU TAK PUJI LAKI
nvm
dia mmg cute.
Then he walked away like nothing happened. Ambik adik dia. And masa tu adik dia tgh lepak dgn adik aku
Oh. abg kawan adik aku yg pengawas ni ke? Okay.

But it doesn't end yet, anyway
Since that day, every friday aku jumpa dia
tak ckp, tak lepak sama pun
just senyum, jalan
senyum je kut.
hahahaha.
but he left me no name
He is unnamed
For months, and aku belum tau nama dia.
Tu yg setiap jumaat aku semangat nak ambik adik aku.
Nak jumpa mamat jumaat! Hahahaha.
One friday, (friday sebelum trial, kira last last week la)
Aku dlm kereta, dah ambik yuki. ingat xdpt jumpa haritu.
Tetibe yuki byebye seseorg. Oh budak tu.
And.....mamat tu kat sebelah kwn adik aku.
He smiled. He smiled!!
And aku mmg angau seminggu minggu tu.
Dia la pengubat stress aku. Haha
Aku sampai termimpi.
Malam sebelum exam BI dgn geo kot.........
Eh tak tak. Bukan malam. petang. aku tido petang sbb aku tau malam tu aku xkan tido sbb study.
Aku mimpi.. aku dlm kelas. Babra masuk kasi aku popcorn.
Entah. scene seterusnya dkt Sarikei. dkt jeti. tempat aku lepak masa aku kursus kat sana dulu. (fyi, sarikei-kuching ni mcm johor-kl) aku dgn babra jalan2. tiba aku jumpa mamat jumaat dkt jeti tgh buat homework.
masih berbaju sekolah.
aku pergi kat dia. tengok nama.
"ACAD AZHARI????"
nama dia acad azhari????
aku pun jerit la "Acad Azhari, awak tau tak saya dah cari awak berapa lama??????!!?"
and I remember nothing lepas scene aku jerit tu.

Masa bukak puasa tu aku cerita la dgn yuki.
Dengan harapan dia akan tanya kawan dia sapa nama mamat jumaat aku
Betul ke kan acad azhari?
Sukahati je mimpi aku ni. hahaha,
Masa aku cerita ngn yuki tu pun mama dengar.
Mama ckp "Oh, mama ajar budak tu. Nama dia syahmi. Form four. Dia ada dua adik dkt sekolah yuki, syafiqah dgn syanis. Mama tau dia sbb mama rapat dgn mak dia. Selalu jugak nampak mak dia kat sekolah yuki"
dalam hati aku : Mama knows her bakal menantu better than me? :O
HAHAHAHAHHAA

and esoknya yuki confirm dgn aku yg nama mamat tu mmg syahmi
again, mama menyampuk
"Arina kenal syahmi ke?"
"tak lah. tak kenal pun. selalu terserempak dgn dia je"
"yang sampai terbayang bayang tu kenapa?"

aku diam.

p/s: Acad Azhari..Syahmi. Teruk betul mimpi aku ni. Takde art of guessing langsung. Meleset ke laut!

The Warmth of Ramadhan

Ahlan wasahlan ya ramadhan.
Assalamualaikum korang yg comel.(syaitan takde mmg la ringan mulut nak memuji hehehe)

Its third of Ramadhan and I am sure kita semua cukup saaaaaaayaaaaang dgn apa yg kita rasa skrg ni
The warmth of ramadhan
yg buat aku kdg kdg menangis sbb happy
haha
semalam pagi2 pergi sekolah entah kenapa aku sebak tgk mama
entah. mama cantik semacam haritu.
aku pun ckp la "asal mama lawa sgt hari ni ma?"
mama gelak lepastu terus masuk bilik guru (mak aku kerja dkt sama sekolah ngn aku, remember?)

Cuma tu la. Studies, exams, buku buku ni semua kacau line la.
Second of ramadhan aku tak tido sbb aku kena habiskan sejarah aku. trial is getting near and according to my timetable aku dh x bnyk masa nak belajaq benda lain. lepas isyak belajar sampai pukul 4 something lepastu mama terus kejut sahur. mama mcm "asal tak tido" "study" "ok"
sahur makan kari kambing nyummm haha
 Lepas sahur kemas buku lepastu mandi lepastu terus pergi sekolah
mmg la aku sekolah petang. tapi every thursday aku akan dtg pagi sbb ada tuition class ngn cikgu rahsiah, the only tuition yg aku attend, tuition bm.
lepastu bnyk kerja buat kelam kabut
dalam kelas tense gila.
especially when it comes to english class. on thursday.
thursday is an essay day
and thursday ended up being a disaster for all of 3A students
teruk aku semalam
dah tu time balik sekolah aku jatuh longkang pulak

takpe lah. aku mmg suka jatuh longkang. cita cita aku kan penjatuh longkang.
takpe

balik, prepare for iftar apa semua
maghrib, baca surah al anbiya and the terjemahan, (surah ni interesting gila)
lepas isyak mkn ubat terus tidur.(i slept at 8:30)

I just hope that walaupun aku busy aku takkan pernah lupa prepare untuk akhirat
Every single day is a brand new chance for me to make a change
to improve.
to tak marah-marah org.
to tak berdendam dgn org lepastu marah2 kat blog
to sentiasa solat awal waktu.
to menuntut ilmu dgn seikhlas ikhlasnya
to become a good friend and a good listener to my friends
to become anak solehah to both my parents
to get all straight 90+ As
to always smile to everyone around me
to never jatuh longkang dpn org too.

Salam Ramadhan.

no offence, tapi aku rasa kau sial

Ok this post is going to turn into a crappy, shitty and full of curses  one sbb yes, aku tgh mengamuk

I mean like hey siapa start dulu?

Atleast la time aku sakit hati dgn kau dulu the worst thing I did is lepas geram dgn kwn kwn aku

Aku tak pondan mcm kau la sial

Aku tak tweet pun yg kau gelakkan markah agama aku

Aku takde pulak jeling, ignore kau ke apa ke

Sbb somehow I think you are 50%  of why I reall work hard for my last sem exam

Yeap, 11A 

I was satisfied.

Until tonight, aku kenal siapa kau

Look, maybe its too much, wat I did.

Ha' ah, aku mmg jerit nama kau and said something tht might tear you up.

Dkt parking lot

Syerah and amira ada dgn aku, aku ingat

I mentionedsomething about markah agama

But may I remind you something, abng?

I will never do that if u have no problem with me in the first place.

Kan?

Haha I don't give a damn la bang

Mampus kau la nak dengar pun

Kisah pulak aku

Tapi aku rasa kau dh lebih la bro

Aku yg perempuan ni pun tak sedrama queen kau la weh

Kalau tak puas hati ckp dpdpn

Tak pyh nak indirect tweet me mcm bitch

"Kau rasa bagus, kau x sedar yg kau bukan asal SARAWAK"

Oh really? Firstly, aku mmg bagus. Secondly, oh, kira aku ni tak layak duduk sarawak lah?

Excuse me, kau ingat aku hadap sgt nak duduk sini apa hahahahahahha you are wrong 

And encik A, You have no right, at all, to judge me islamically. Kalau setakat salah aku yg aku jerit tu kau nak ckp aku x layak jadi muslimah, baik kau simpan baik baik statement kau tu.

Everyone make mistake

But its another big mistake to leave them wrong

Tapi kalau problems dgn kau la kan

Aku rasa tak settlekan pun takpe

Sebab you got no effect on me

I don't need you

pain changes people. kan?

Two years ago, I still cry setiap kali balik kuching sbb... Rindu kucing je pun. 

Tak. Korg x fhm.

How does it feels, raising a cute little persian cat smpai besar lps tu kena tinggalkan dia

But that is two years ago, you can't judge me by my past

Skrg sikit pun aku tak heran dgn kucing2 aku kat sana.

Why? Sbb setiap kali aku balik sana sikit pun aku x main dgn diorg. Aku takut aku sedih kalau balik nanti..

Sama jugak kalau dgn danish

A day before balik aku xkan main sgt dgn dia.

Kalau kklong suruh jaga, aku letak je kat baby walker pandaila dia nk jaga diri. Hahaha

So tht I can return here as painless as possible

Sbb tu aku mcm xde perasaan je nak sekolah harini

Tak sedih

Tak happy

Zero.

The same thing to the guys.

Kalau dua tahun lepas aku jwb call semua org, skrg tak. Nombor x kenal, reject.

Kalau dua tahun lepas aku senang menangis, skrg tak la. Itu zaman jahiliah.

Aku kalau jumpa you-know-who (certain org je fhm ececeeh) aku lari. Just to avoid further frustration

My friends pun kalau jumpa mamat tu, awal diorg tarik aku lari. Dah nak setahun kot. Aku masih....

Haha apa emo ni zil. Jadi yuna kang

Lelaki tak guuwwwuuunaaaaaaaaaaa

Haahahahahahhahahhaa.  Tapi betul apa.

But aku tak tahu

Am I getting stronger

Atau aku yg selalu sgt lari dari masalah

Cramp otak aku.

P/s: laptop rosak. Pakai tab je ni. Kalau ada typo, pergi mamp0s. Bye

Thank you, aneb!

Well oh well.
dahlah tengah demam
bnyk pulak benda yg perlu diemo kan cuti ni
kan aneb kan?

thanks aneb. dari aku sekolah rendah, kau je la yg mcm kakak, bapak, abang, nenek, mak, to me and liyana
haha sampai sekarang

its 4 am and baru lepas skype-ing dgn aneb yg terchenta.
dia ter izzah izzah. aku tersyafiq syafiq. hahaha

Goodnight cruel world 

aku penat