A cindarella story. Just in my version. Problem? :P

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Wednesday, February 17, 2016

ZIL HIDUP LAGI GAIS

Assalamualaikum hi gais lamanya tak update!!!!!!!

Just realised how much I miss writing. So dalam masa beberapa tahun ni I managed to:
1. Get into SBP, SM Sains Kuching Utara
2. Became a headgirl
3. Having tough life dealing with school politics and bullshits
4. Fell in love
5. Fell out of love
6. Failed addmaths for six times
7. Worked my ass off for SPM
8. Finally got an A for addmaths for trial (that was my second time passing) (so purdy) (i know)
9. Survived SPM
10. Graduated from school

wow I just compressed years into just 10 points.

aku bukan apa kalau aku cerita panjang panjang kang aku emo korang pun tau level emo aku mcm mana kan? aku skrg in a process of forgive and forget dan buka buku baru. haa giteww. okay muah ciked.

sebenarnya gini ler. aku tgh menghargai nikmat cooty sbb aku syak ramai org yg tak bersyukur dgn nikmat cuti dgn post post rindu nak belajar/rindu kelas/ rindu buku. apa ingat aku tak stalk korang ke hah? nak cakap cuti aku ni produktif sgt idok ler. mereput mereput jugak. but bahagia lagi aku mereput drpd sakit spm dah dah ler tu aku takmao spm dah :(

apa apa pun aku ada banyak goals cuti. ada yg tercapai ada jugak yg ke laut. al maklumlah kwn kwn kita manusia hanya mampu merancang. HAHA. tipu je gais. mmg semua ketentuan tuhan tapi dulu form three aku belajar qada ada dua qada mubram ngn qada muallaq. qada muallaq ni gais dpt diubah dgn doa dan effort. ha gitew. amagad ustaz rusdi must be proud of meh.

#1: Masa tido ideal
ni memang sumpah life goal terunggul aku weh. ok mcm ni la lain org lain cara. aku ni jenis night person. mostly my friends tidur awal and wake up at 3 to study. bukan mostly aku rasa hampir satu batch mmg mcm tu. (lol asrama kan) but aku kalau nak ikut jejak dorang mmg kimsalam je beb aku akan bina taik mata je instead of bina sel otak baru kalau sapa sapa seret aku gi bilik prep pagi pagi buta. aku jenis yg haaa balik kelab malamkelas malam pukul 10 aku akan terus hadap buku sampai pukul tiga pagi. agak sakit la. dulu bukan main aku pasang azam omg omg tazabarnya habes spm dpt tidur awal dpt qada tidur tiga bulan do. jokes on me, result dah nak keluar pun tidur pukul 3 4 pagi. ntah insomnia ke anaemia ke tanzania ke (apa kena mengena) aku  pun tak tau. kdg dh ready atas katil tutup lampu semua pukul 10 tapi sbb fikir bnyk sgt pukul 2 baru lelap. so frustrating girl i kenot.

#2: NAK BACA NOVEL JUGAK!!!!
okay aku tak tipu aku mmg puasa novel sejak masuk form four. serious wattpad pun tak baca dah sbb focus study punya pasal. ha aku dh ckp aku bab sekolah sekolah ni level nerd aku shizuka dlm cite doraemon tu pun tak dpt celen aku punya. tapi tu la nerd belajar je. tuhan ja tau betapa setannya aku bab bab lain kat sekolah. u knw, girls and novels in asrama berpisah tiada. aku nak sgt baca buku non ilmiah masa zaman spm but then lepas spm mcm haram takda perasaan dah. huhu cerita dia sbb aku busy memasak dan jaga baby kat rumah

#3: Ma, nak blaja masak.
ni paling win bro. takde. sebelum ni aku mmg ok je masak sbb dh selalu sgt homealone. tapi lps spm ni percaya atau idok aku yg hari hari masak kat rumah ni. so kira biasa biasa escalated to chef real quick la. dh reti dah pecah minyak apa semua. harini baru je masak nasi lemak dgn ayam berempah. menantu goals sangat kan huhuhuhu i tau.

#4: nak kerja sbb nak duit
This doesnt turn out well due to transportaion problem. aku duk bangi. and sgt jauh dari kedai sbb kat ceruk taman universiti ni kalau tak reti drive mmg tak ke mana la jawabnya. keliling universiti and u know how big they can be. but its okay. aku tak tau la kerja aku ni legal ke idok but aku dibayar untuk translate thesis kakak aku. not very much but ilmu yg aku dpt mmg priceless. try me gais throw me any quetions about osteoporosis. aku bagi jawapan bentuk essay 20 markah punya

#5: Travel
I spent quite a lot of time enjoying new places with my family and friends. Tak jauh mana pun but aku dh sampai main lompat lompat kat sungai sampai kaki cramp it was ajsjabjwkajka.

hamboih ingat nak singgah kejap je tadi tertulis panjang plak.
insyaAllah will write more soon.
I really need to stop keeping all feelings to myself.
I need to fix my messed up sleeping pattern.

ok dah bai muah muah!!! <33333 p="">

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Buku baru.

Assalamualaikum.
Zil is back? Are you surprised?
Tak payah surprised sangat la. Told you I won't leave this blog mcm tu je
I grew up with this blog
Dari kecik lagi. Its been 6 years. Dari zaman friendster je zaman instagram yaw
Sebab dah lama sangat tak update, I wish you all the best la baca post yang maha panjang ni.
Hiks.

So....my latest post was 4 months ago.
Adalah kisahnya disebalik post emo tahap melampau tu

All I remember was I was too hurt, too angry that I don't even talk to people the whole day
I can feel the pain in my chest
Macam ada benda yang perlu dikeluarkan
I was angry
I was hurt
I didn't tweet for 2 weeks (sampai puasa tweet tau)
I privated my blog and tak berani bukak dah
until today,
lol it takes me 4 months lebih to recover
Teruknyewww merajuk!

Well well well. So, what happened to Zil dalam masa 4 bulan?
You have no idea :p

January 2014
I am still living my life happily dekat SMK Green Road yang terchenta with my favourite people
Life is easy.
(((Except the school part, except the addmaths part, except the whole SPM part))))
I just love my life in Green Road. I had everything.
I have my friends, my friends are my everything.
I have my mum, my mum is my everything.
I have my room, my room is my everything
Pendek kata, I am comfortable with my life at that particular time
which does not last
Ada plot twist sikit hahahaha
Macam ni cerita dia...
My friend, Amirullah tgh memuntahkan rasa (sesi luahan dari hati ke hati) tentang betapa takutnya dia nak masuk SBP. Dia dpt Sekolah Sains Johor. and I was like "You're going to be alright, benda ni Allah dah tetapkan so have faith. Everything happens for a reason tau tak" to him.
I have no idea that
at that particular time
I was offered to ________________ (you fill in the blanks urself lol)
tak terfikir pun. dah apply tapi takde hati langsung nak check
Tapi Allah gerakkan hati suruh check malam tu jugak
Okay, fine, okay. So I checked.
"Tahniah, Anak anda Zil Hayatul Arina Binti Mohd Razip 981027-13-XXXX telah ditawarkan ke _________"

I was like
I was like
I was like
WHAT?

and the first one to know is Amirullah. Sebab we were facing the same situation and all the advices I gave him I baca balik I was like oh my god what is this? hahahaha. But seriously though
I really don't know what to do
I was speechless
The suitable word here is takut
Aku cukup takut.

The next day, datang sekolah dgn mata kembang, I told Stephanie everything
Only Stephanie knows how much I cried masa tu
(oh you might be wondering, why do I cry so much? Because its zil we're talking about
She cries to almost everything hehehe)
Leaving my friends in Green Road is the last thing I want to do in my life
Petang lepastu baru I discuss with my parents.
Sebab I want to talk about that only when I am ready
dah ready lah kot
kot la

but... kun fa ya kun. Allah is the best planner after all kan?
So aku redha. I told myself that this is for my own good
Sakit mana pun, pahit mana pun, aku kena telan.

What hurts me the most is
I had to leave Steph on her worst days
Her mom meninggal time cuti hari tu. Cancer.
Lepas cuti, aku pulak tinggalkan dia duduk sorang2. Empty seat. Next to her.
I feel so bad. Do I really have to leave her in that condition?

February 2014

New school. Tutup buku lama bukak buku baru.
Everythings fine, Alhamdulillah. Semua orang baik. Juniors, Seniors, Cikgu, Cleaner, Makcik Canteen, alhamdulillah. Especially Bonda, pengetua yang mmg layan aku mcm anak dia sendiri,
Bersyukur.

I went to Kedah on the third week aku kat sekolah tu
Kursus Kepimpinan PRS.
And this is the best part kalau masuk SBP kat sarawak.
Apapa program SBP,
Korang akan dibawak ke semenanjung free of charge. Hehehe. MAS taw.
Kitorang stay kat Universiti Inn kat UUM Kedah.
Sumpah best.
Siap jumpa matlutfi lagi! (he is very tall. tak macam dalam video ek sekian)
Kursus ni zon utara je la. Campuq dengan sekolah Tun Syed, integrasi Gopeng, MCKK, STAR, semua sekolah kat zon utara la.
Best la kursus ni. Siap boleh tersangkut dgn sorang mamat STAR lagi. Ooops.
Hahahaha but serious though. Masa program outreach, we went to this school, SK Siputeh,
bagi taklimat kat diorang about SBP. Sebab rural areas kan? Kasi expose sikit la apa SBP apa semua.
This guy named Zulfarhan, orang lain semua panggil dia Paan tau. But dengan zil, nama dia tukar jadi zul.
Hahahaha masa tgh nak bagi taklimat kat budak budak sekolah rendah tu.. dia perkenalkan diri dia
"Assalamualaikum adik adik, nama abang Zul. Nama kakak sebelah ni Zil" and I was jajbjwlkjaalajksihdwkjebb gvakjahja kalau boleh nak tergolek kat situ jugak. Zul, kenapa comel sangat? Hahahahahhahahahaha kbai.

sampai sekarang kena bahan hahahaha ok zil ok

Hari berganti hari,
Minggu berganti minggu

Tipulah kalau cakap hidup tak susah kat sekolah baru
Undeniable.
Mengantuk dalam kelas
Taktau apa yang cikgu ajar sebenarnya
Hari hari assembly pagi petang siang malam.
Siapa tak penat?

The only thing yang buat aku kuat kat situ is...my friends
You have no idea how close are we, walaupun baru jumpa.
Semangat batch hahahahaha

One of my bestfriends there, Aryfah Binti Badrulzaman, dia bestfriend arwah Alya dulu.
And guess what? Ayah dia pun baru je meninggal. Imagine, ayah dia baru meninggal, dia kakak sulung, 7 hari lepastu dia terus masuk SBP. Choosing a difficult path. I have no idea how can a person be that strong.
And then ada this krek girl, Rabiatul Adawiyah. Semua orang panggil dia bieys.
I have no idea why. But three of us, we call ourselves kariots4lyf. why kariots?
Sebab Karyfah, Rabikari and Karina are bestfriends. Ada la satu hari ni, kitorang makan roti jala and ada la this tragic curry tragedi. Since hari tu kami jadi kariots. Hiks.

And baru last week aku balik dari KL. Ada kursus Ketua Pelajar.
Bonda mcm dah slowtalk dgn aku, dia kira nak kasi mandat KP perempuan kat aku.
Dia taknak kacau form 5 katanya
Dia nak pelapis katanya
Katanya.
Kursus tu kat KL ja.
Boleh tahan best jugak la kursus dia... but I still suka yg kat kedah haritu (sbb ada zul kot eh eh eh eh hahaha)
Dahlah terpaksa skip 6 papers. Org lain sibuk exam aku sibuk kursus.
Balik hari selasa, 10:30 malam.
Esok pagi rabu, terus exam Physics, Bio, Chemist
MEMANG TAK LA HAHAHAHHA
tapi betul la. Selasa malam tu aku memang nangis betul betul nangis.
Esok exam tiga paper racun
Belum study pape
LOL all I remember was aku duduk dalam gelap, tepi luggage, makan spaghetti dalam gelap (dah lights off dah)
aku menangis mkn spaghetti tu
because that is my mum's spaghetti.
Mama sempat jenguk aku kat airport sekejap haritu. siap bagi spaghetti tau
(I love you ma)
and I cried really hard that night
Belum lagi official jadi Ketua Pelajar
tapi pressure dia...........masyaAllah
I just can't.

and here I am, kat rumah, dengan kerja yang maha banyak tapi masih sempat update blog, LOL

Thanks cuti. Saaaaayang cuti.
Sekian, wassalam.



p/s: Deepest condolesence untuk family mangsa dan crew yang terlibat dalam tragedi MH370. They are lucky, sayang. Satu Malaysia is praying for them. Semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya, InsyaAllah. Keep praying. 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

A series of untold unfortunate event, that you've created.

I need to write this
I really need to write this

One day you will realize that no one actually give a damn about your feelings
Not that guy
Not your friends
Not even your family

They might read your personal diary and tweet something soul depriving about it
Leaving yourself ruined
Like you can't be fixed anymore

They shout at your face
Leaving yourself speechless
Feeling unwanted

They tweet shit about you
Turning your usual perky self
into a soulless bitch


I will kneel in front of you,
If I can.
Aku mintak satu je.
No matter how much you hate me
No matter how many times I become a "fun" subject to you and your friends
No matter how much you know about my secrets

Don't let me know
Don't fucking let me know

I had enough.
I am so tired I can't stand anymore.

p/s: sorry for the sad posts
zil is being her stupid self again.
bodoh.