Assalamualaikumwarahmatullah.
I don't know why I am here, I was supposed to prepare my ass off for coming scholarship interview this tuesday. I guess I need to prepare A LOT, well, rasa mcm teruk sangat dah for not having my times spent on books. My english and all that, ugh. Yea I know most people was like 'chill lah for interview u only need to be urself, don't stressed out la'
well. I agree about the don't get stressed out part, but presenting myself as myself is not cool enough. I need to improve and sugarcoat myself to look cool, okay?
The bad part right now is I've been too sad lately. I have so many doubts. Simply about everything; future, parents, my cat tak balik rumah (sounds pretty simple but org yg pernah rasa je tau rasa dia mcm mana), and .....him. I know its been months, but I can't help it. It hurts. I have so many things to tell him but I couldn't say all that. Cut ties, no texts, no calls, no nothing. and for months, every night without failing, I check my phone in case he called. Tired of that, really. I'm tired of checking my phone and not seeing his name.
I thought I've prepared for this.
"Sayang tak cukup"
Been repeating the line for like thousand times. Dulu.
As I grow older, I realised in relationship, we need something more than just love. People can be so in love, but can't be together.
"If she really loved you she would not have gave you up like that"
If, someone ever told you that, remember, giving up on you is the most painful thing I've ever done. It really does hurt me that much. For these two years I've depended on you so much once I lost you I feel numb. But I didn't say giving you up is a wrong decision. I still believe that's the best that I can do, did and done. I need to stop hurting both you and I, and letting each other go is the best no matter how painful it is. Wah tonight me so emo.
Well. Pray for my future undertakings I need to rebuild my goal and life.
Till we meet again.
Love,
Zil.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Monday, March 21, 2016
UPDATE: SPM RESULT YAY
I know its kinda late but but but its better late than neverrrr.
I am currently juggling between medic or law, entahlah.
Pray for my success.
As for my SPM result; let the picture do the talking. Alhamdulillah, it is more than what I've expected.
Thank you people. Couldn't have done it without everyone. I remember both ma and abah, tak putus putus keep telling me to be strong. Cikgu cikgu yg believe in me, I remember jalan nak masuk dewan periksa almost every cikgu give me a promising look, angguk sambil sebut nama 'Zil'. Friends, yg dah banyak ajar, dan banyak mintak ajar. Ahmad Syamim Kamel, yg sentiasa ada. All the juniors. I remember waking up on the first day of SPM, sebelah ada kitkat and goodluck note. locker penuh dgn cute goodluck notes siap ada gambar bagai. How I can not be thankful? I also remember masa isi air dkt watercooler before paper bio acik cleaner approached me and told me yg dia doakan semoga semua berjalan lancar. Sungguh, Allah mmg Maha Pemberi Nikmat.
Will update from time to time.
Pray for me.
Bye, Assalamualaikum :D
I am currently juggling between medic or law, entahlah.
Pray for my success.
As for my SPM result; let the picture do the talking. Alhamdulillah, it is more than what I've expected.
Will update from time to time.
Pray for me.
Bye, Assalamualaikum :D
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
ZIL HIDUP LAGI GAIS
Assalamualaikum hi gais lamanya tak update!!!!!!!
Just realised how much I miss writing. So dalam masa beberapa tahun ni I managed to:
1. Get into SBP, SM Sains Kuching Utara
2. Became a headgirl
3. Having tough life dealing with school politics and bullshits
4. Fell in love
5. Fell out of love
6. Failed addmaths for six times
7. Worked my ass off for SPM
8. Finally got an A for addmaths for trial (that was my second time passing) (so purdy) (i know)
9. Survived SPM
10. Graduated from school
wow I just compressed years into just 10 points.
aku bukan apa kalau aku cerita panjang panjang kang aku emo korang pun tau level emo aku mcm mana kan? aku skrg in a process of forgive and forget dan buka buku baru. haa giteww. okay muah ciked.
sebenarnya gini ler. aku tgh menghargai nikmat cooty sbb aku syak ramai org yg tak bersyukur dgn nikmat cuti dgn post post rindu nak belajar/rindu kelas/ rindu buku. apa ingat aku tak stalk korang ke hah? nak cakap cuti aku ni produktif sgt idok ler. mereput mereput jugak. but bahagia lagi aku mereput drpd sakit spm dah dah ler tu aku takmao spm dah :(
apa apa pun aku ada banyak goals cuti. ada yg tercapai ada jugak yg ke laut. al maklumlah kwn kwn kita manusia hanya mampu merancang. HAHA. tipu je gais. mmg semua ketentuan tuhan tapi dulu form three aku belajar qada ada dua qada mubram ngn qada muallaq. qada muallaq ni gais dpt diubah dgn doa dan effort. ha gitew. amagad ustaz rusdi must be proud of meh.
#1: Masa tido ideal
ni memang sumpah life goal terunggul aku weh. ok mcm ni la lain org lain cara. aku ni jenis night person. mostly my friends tidur awal and wake up at 3 to study. bukan mostly aku rasa hampir satu batch mmg mcm tu. (lol asrama kan) but aku kalau nak ikut jejak dorang mmg kimsalam je beb aku akan bina taik mata je instead of bina sel otak baru kalau sapa sapa seret aku gi bilik prep pagi pagi buta. aku jenis yg haaa balikkelab malamkelas malam pukul 10 aku akan terus hadap buku sampai pukul tiga pagi. agak sakit la. dulu bukan main aku pasang azam omg omg tazabarnya habes spm dpt tidur awal dpt qada tidur tiga bulan do. jokes on me, result dah nak keluar pun tidur pukul 3 4 pagi. ntah insomnia ke anaemia ke tanzania ke (apa kena mengena) aku pun tak tau. kdg dh ready atas katil tutup lampu semua pukul 10 tapi sbb fikir bnyk sgt pukul 2 baru lelap. so frustrating girl i kenot.
#2: NAK BACA NOVEL JUGAK!!!!
okay aku tak tipu aku mmg puasa novel sejak masuk form four. serious wattpad pun tak baca dah sbb focus study punya pasal. ha aku dh ckp aku bab sekolah sekolah ni level nerd aku shizuka dlm cite doraemon tu pun tak dpt celen aku punya. tapi tu la nerd belajar je. tuhan ja tau betapa setannya aku bab bab lain kat sekolah. u knw, girls and novels in asrama berpisah tiada. aku nak sgt baca buku non ilmiah masa zaman spm but then lepas spm mcm haram takda perasaan dah. huhu cerita dia sbb aku busy memasak dan jaga baby kat rumah
#3: Ma, nak blaja masak.
ni paling win bro. takde. sebelum ni aku mmg ok je masak sbb dh selalu sgt homealone. tapi lps spm ni percaya atau idok aku yg hari hari masak kat rumah ni. so kira biasa biasa escalated to chef real quick la. dh reti dah pecah minyak apa semua. harini baru je masak nasi lemak dgn ayam berempah. menantu goals sangat kan huhuhuhu i tau.
#4: nak kerja sbb nak duit
This doesnt turn out well due to transportaion problem. aku duk bangi. and sgt jauh dari kedai sbb kat ceruk taman universiti ni kalau tak reti drive mmg tak ke mana la jawabnya. keliling universiti and u know how big they can be. but its okay. aku tak tau la kerja aku ni legal ke idok but aku dibayar untuk translate thesis kakak aku. not very much but ilmu yg aku dpt mmg priceless. try me gais throw me any quetions about osteoporosis. aku bagi jawapan bentuk essay 20 markah punya
#5: Travel
I spent quite a lot of time enjoying new places with my family and friends. Tak jauh mana pun but aku dh sampai main lompat lompat kat sungai sampai kaki cramp it was ajsjabjwkajka.
hamboih ingat nak singgah kejap je tadi tertulis panjang plak.
insyaAllah will write more soon.
I really need to stop keeping all feelings to myself.
I need to fix my messed up sleeping pattern.
ok dah bai muah muah!!! <33333 p="">
Just realised how much I miss writing. So dalam masa beberapa tahun ni I managed to:
1. Get into SBP, SM Sains Kuching Utara
2. Became a headgirl
3. Having tough life dealing with school politics and bullshits
4. Fell in love
5. Fell out of love
6. Failed addmaths for six times
7. Worked my ass off for SPM
8. Finally got an A for addmaths for trial (that was my second time passing) (so purdy) (i know)
9. Survived SPM
10. Graduated from school
wow I just compressed years into just 10 points.
aku bukan apa kalau aku cerita panjang panjang kang aku emo korang pun tau level emo aku mcm mana kan? aku skrg in a process of forgive and forget dan buka buku baru. haa giteww. okay muah ciked.
sebenarnya gini ler. aku tgh menghargai nikmat cooty sbb aku syak ramai org yg tak bersyukur dgn nikmat cuti dgn post post rindu nak belajar/rindu kelas/ rindu buku. apa ingat aku tak stalk korang ke hah? nak cakap cuti aku ni produktif sgt idok ler. mereput mereput jugak. but bahagia lagi aku mereput drpd sakit spm dah dah ler tu aku takmao spm dah :(
apa apa pun aku ada banyak goals cuti. ada yg tercapai ada jugak yg ke laut. al maklumlah kwn kwn kita manusia hanya mampu merancang. HAHA. tipu je gais. mmg semua ketentuan tuhan tapi dulu form three aku belajar qada ada dua qada mubram ngn qada muallaq. qada muallaq ni gais dpt diubah dgn doa dan effort. ha gitew. amagad ustaz rusdi must be proud of meh.
#1: Masa tido ideal
ni memang sumpah life goal terunggul aku weh. ok mcm ni la lain org lain cara. aku ni jenis night person. mostly my friends tidur awal and wake up at 3 to study. bukan mostly aku rasa hampir satu batch mmg mcm tu. (lol asrama kan) but aku kalau nak ikut jejak dorang mmg kimsalam je beb aku akan bina taik mata je instead of bina sel otak baru kalau sapa sapa seret aku gi bilik prep pagi pagi buta. aku jenis yg haaa balik
#2: NAK BACA NOVEL JUGAK!!!!
okay aku tak tipu aku mmg puasa novel sejak masuk form four. serious wattpad pun tak baca dah sbb focus study punya pasal. ha aku dh ckp aku bab sekolah sekolah ni level nerd aku shizuka dlm cite doraemon tu pun tak dpt celen aku punya. tapi tu la nerd belajar je. tuhan ja tau betapa setannya aku bab bab lain kat sekolah. u knw, girls and novels in asrama berpisah tiada. aku nak sgt baca buku non ilmiah masa zaman spm but then lepas spm mcm haram takda perasaan dah. huhu cerita dia sbb aku busy memasak dan jaga baby kat rumah
#3: Ma, nak blaja masak.
ni paling win bro. takde. sebelum ni aku mmg ok je masak sbb dh selalu sgt homealone. tapi lps spm ni percaya atau idok aku yg hari hari masak kat rumah ni. so kira biasa biasa escalated to chef real quick la. dh reti dah pecah minyak apa semua. harini baru je masak nasi lemak dgn ayam berempah. menantu goals sangat kan huhuhuhu i tau.
#4: nak kerja sbb nak duit
This doesnt turn out well due to transportaion problem. aku duk bangi. and sgt jauh dari kedai sbb kat ceruk taman universiti ni kalau tak reti drive mmg tak ke mana la jawabnya. keliling universiti and u know how big they can be. but its okay. aku tak tau la kerja aku ni legal ke idok but aku dibayar untuk translate thesis kakak aku. not very much but ilmu yg aku dpt mmg priceless. try me gais throw me any quetions about osteoporosis. aku bagi jawapan bentuk essay 20 markah punya
#5: Travel
I spent quite a lot of time enjoying new places with my family and friends. Tak jauh mana pun but aku dh sampai main lompat lompat kat sungai sampai kaki cramp it was ajsjabjwkajka.
hamboih ingat nak singgah kejap je tadi tertulis panjang plak.
insyaAllah will write more soon.
I really need to stop keeping all feelings to myself.
I need to fix my messed up sleeping pattern.
ok dah bai muah muah!!! <33333 p="">
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